My darling little Loula - I haven't written to you since your beloved sister, Lola passed away - i am completely devastated and I miss every one of you so very much - darling Ray, you, Lola and Madonna - you've all gone, leaving Rocco and me alone. He behaved very strangely at first - this morning , he followed me into the bathroom and just sat there while I showered and cleaned my teeth! He follows me all over the flat as if I might disappear any minute - for the first three weeks after your dear sister passed away, he never mewed or made a sound and he used to be very vocal! Now he gives the odd mew from time to time - especially when he is hungry! He goes out on the landing sometimes - he used to go out there every day. While I am writing this, he is sitting next to me on the settee, under the throw. And he will stay there all day, until I go into the bedroom in the evening. At night he sleeps on Lola's blanket which is on the ottoman by the bed.
The solitude and grief, we are living in now, is a stark contrast to the way life used to be like twenty years ago. You and Lola were born on Remembrance Sunday in November 2004, and you came home with Ray and me on December 23rd, bringing such joy into our lives! You were so tiny, the two of you were in a box, but you soon started exploring your new home! When we awoke on Christmas Eve, both of you were in the bedroom on the end of the bed, looking at us! I wouldn't have believed that twenty years later, Death would have claimed you all
I wrote to you on November 6th, telling you of your beloved sister Lola's passing, but I never wished you well on your birthday, darling, but I will wish you a belated happy Birthday now. I will be thinking of you all this Christmas Day - all of you that I love so dearly - you, Ray, Lola and Madonna. May God Bless you all and always watch over you. Till we meet in Heaven. Your ever loving mum, Francesca xxx

Added by Francesca Mum, on 10/12/2024

Dear,precious Lou. It will be your birthday next week- yours and darling, darling Lola's, your beloved sister. She passed on October 24th, having an operation for a mass, which was inoperable on.. oh darling when the vet phoned me, I felt that my world had come to an end. It was the end of an era - both my beautiful, lovely girls have gone, leaving me lost and grieving for ever. I am alone in the flat now, with Rocco, who seems lost and depressed too.I will always miss you both and all the joy seems to have gone from life. God Bless you both. Till we meet in Heaven, Francesca, your loving mum

Added by Francesca mum on 06/11/2024

Darling precious Lou, it is coming up to the 8th anniversary of your passing and of our beloved Ray's birthday. Darling, he passed away on March 12th at Charing X hospital - I couldn't tell you before, as I was too distraught and I couldn't believe it or come to terms with it myself. I am still devastated and feel that a piece of me has gone with him. I will never get over it, just as I will never get over losing you and Madonna before you. The flat seems oddly silent and life is strange and something to be dreaded, not enjoyed - hostile and frightening. I can't concentrate anymore - I can be watching a movie on TV, and my mind will just drift off into the past, thinking of happier times. I remember, Ray and I visited you and Lola and your two brothers, the day after you were born, and then every few days, until you and Lola came home with us, just before Christmas in 2004. And the days and years after that were so happy, the happiest days I have ever known. Now, they are precious memories, and you Madonna and Ray have gone.

I think Rocco misses Ray terribly, as he used to sleep on the bed with him, during his illness. The day after Ray passed, I found him lying on Ray's side of the bed, sorrowfully. Life will never be the same again, for any of us. Gradually, I am losing parts of me, and I am finding life very strange and unreal. Ray always came down to the Garden of Remembrance with me to see your plaque and Madonna's tag. I think they have taken away all the tags, but Madonna shares the plaque with you. If your plaque is still there, I must try and come down to see it. Darling I will be thinking of you and Ray and praying for you both on June 29th, darling Ray's birthday. God Bless, dear love on this day and always. Till we meet in Heaven, Mum xxx

Added by Francesca Mum, on 18/06/2024

Dear, Darling Lou - it is coming up to Xmas, and as usual, I am thinking of the past and how on Xmas Eve 2004, when you first came home with us, nineteen years ago, my life really took on new meaning. You brought so much happiness, you and Lola into my life, and after you passed in 2016, I have always felt that there is something missing, something I will always miss and never get over. At this time of year, so many little things, remind me so much of you and how very much I still miss you, my dearest one.Only the other day, I got some cat treats in the post smelling of catnip, and I said to Ray, that I must put them in a cupboard, where the cats wouldn't find them! I was remembering how one Xmas, I got some treats in the post and didn't put them away, and you found them and tore them all open, and there were treats all over the bedroom! Those were the days! I fell asleep that night, dreaming of you and I wished so very much, that I could have one moment in time, to feel you and see you once more.

Ray is not doing very well with his chemotherapy at the moment, and I feel as if my world is falling apart and I am losing everything I love. He is starting a new chemotherapy next week with pills - maybe, hopefully it will work. Your sister, Lola is still doing well, and often I look at her and I wonder if she thinks of you, and I will often whisper to her at night 'Do you remember your beautiful sister, Loulamay?' And she looks unblinkingly into my eyes and purrs softly. But I think she does, in her mysterious way. Rocco still annoys her - he is only five now and I think the age difference between them is too big for them ever to get on! She just wants a peaceful life now, and he wants to play. But he will often come and sit by me on the settee in the afternoons - I think he wants some attention. God Bless you, my darling. On Xmas Day I will be lighting a scented candle for you and dreaming of you, Angel. Till we meet in Heaven, Mum XX

Added by Francesca Mum on 10/12/2023

Dear darling Loulamay -darling it has been been a very strange year, yet later this month it will be the eighth anniversary of your birthday. Dear heart I love and miss you as much as ever and I can hardly believe that it is eight long years since you and Lola were born and came to me in December 2004. That is the beginning of the happiest twelve years of my life - a time that is always in my heart and mind. This year has been a terrible year - not only has Ray got Cancer, but in August I broke my hip and had an emergency hip replacement in hospital. I was in hospital for nearly two weeks, and when I came home I could hardly walk and even now I walk with the aid of a stick.

Your sister Lola will be nineteen on November 14th and Grant says she is doing remarkably well and calls her an amazing girl! I don't know what I'd do without her, she has been a great comfort to me since you left in 2016, and is the strongest link with you that I have.Sometimes she looks at me with mysterious eyes that are so, so like yours and gently purrs - and I get the feeling that you are watching over us from the next world, my angel and are still with us, spiritually. It is difficult when she is ill, though, and needs a pill, as Ray can't help me as he gets very breathless, so I have to give her a steroid pill myself, alone! Last night, when she was sick, I only managed with the greatest of difficulty, to give her a half steroid at 3.30! But she is OK now - though she hates being given pills and won't come near me! Rocco is not so little anymore - he is five now, nearly six and is a dear boy. He won't go out of the flat for long, not even onto the landing and still is terrified of people he knows, who come into the flat. I think that he had a hard life before he came to us, when he was only a wee kitten - poor little soul. God bless you, my love, on this day and for always - I will love you for ever and ever. Till we meet in Heaven. Mum XXX

Added by Francesca Mum on 06/11/2023

- My dearest darling little girl - it is hard for me to believe that I have been without you now for seven, long years. I still love and miss you with every fibre of my being, and I constantly think with longing, of that last summer with you, my dearest love. Only last night, when I was cuddling Lola, I said to her sadly, ' but there should be two of you darling'. I am always asking myself, why, oh why, does Life have to be so cruel? I never know why, or get any answer.I will never forget you; I still have the pain - it is part of me. I often go into the bedroom, where your little caskets are in the drawer under the bed, yours and Madonna's, and I will open the drawer and give each casket a little kiss and say a little prayer for you. Lola, your sister is eighteen now and seems very well, despite her health conditions - she still doesn't get on with Rocco really - I expect it is the enormous age difference. He often does little things, which remind me so much of you - like drinking water from the tap and mewing when he wants his litter tray cleaned! Time passes so quickly - he is five already. Did I tell you, he has been diagnosed with a heart murmur? I don't think I did. He has a check up with Grant every six months and a heart scan every year. I often get the feeling that you are watching over us from the next world, darling, that we are not alone. You will always always be a part of me.

Ray has started his new Cancer treatment, and we are all keeping our fingers crossed - it was very hot all this week, as we are having a heatwave. Not everyone likes the heat - your sister, fr example. Yesterday I took her to the vet for an anti sickness injection She hadn't been eating, but she is OK now. . I still go swimming a lot - some things change, as time moves on, but others stay the same!

God Bless you, my dearest love and may he keep you safe forever. Till we meet in Heaven, Mum XX

Added by Francesca Mum on 16/06/2023

Dear, darling Lou - it is now Xmas week 2022 already. Time goes by so fast. I have been paying Whitney Houston music and thinking of you - Yesterday I heard ' One Moment in Time' and it brought tears of longing to my eyes.- I would give anything for just one moment in time with you again - Oh darling.I keep reminiscing about our first Xmas together in 2004, and how magical it was - you and Lola were both so, so small,, not yet six weeks old and you spent most of the time having boxing matches together!! And all the tricks you two used to get up to! I have lots of photos of you two playing together!
Yesterday I received an email from Nellie, who works at the PDSA Head office, - the young lady who helped me set up your tribute letters. In it she told me that the PDSA have taken away all the tags from the Garden of Remembrance. I think that is so sad - it was such a beautiful idea, I think, to have everlasting tributes to all the pets who enriched the lives of their many human owners, in that beautiful, peaceful little garden. I would go and sit in there on warm, sunny days and think of you and Madonna, and I would feel so close to you, darling. I must admit, I shed quite a few tears! I expect your beautiful plaque is still there. I must ask Nellie.
Life is very different now - it doesn't feel at all like Xmas. The other day I was wrapping up some presents, and Rocco was rushing around, jumping on all the paper! He keeps nosing around the bedroom door, where I have put all the wrapped presents , including a Xmas stocking for Julie's cat, Twixie. It has catnip in it, so I have moved it to one of the cupboards - I expect he could smell it!!
What with Ray so ill at the moment - he can't really travel as he gets short of breath - I don't know when we will be up to the Garden. But darling, we will be thinking of you and Madonna on Xmas day and we will light candles for you both . God Bless you, dearest love. Till we meet in Heaven. Mum xx

Added by Francesca Mum on 21/12/2022

Darling, sweet Loula, it is almost what would have been your eighteenth birthday - Oh my dearest, how relentlessly time moves on! How I loved you and Lola - I still do, dearest one. A lot of sad things have happened lately - Ray has been having treatment for stage four cancer, and yesterday Rocco was diagnosed with a heart murmur - he is having an ultra sound scan on December 6th and Grant is looking after him. . It was quite a shock, as he is only four. He is very healthy otherwise, Grant says, and at home he is very lively - he still jumps on Lola, wanting to play with her, while all she wants is a quiet life! Some things never change! He does so many things that you used to do, like mewing outside the bathroom door, when I'm having a bath, and mewing when he wants his litter changed! He is still very, very nervous and last night, he was absolutely terrified of the sound of fireworks and ran and hid under the bed in the bedroom. It was Bonfire night. And your sister is doing so well for eighteen - I often ask her if she thinks of you, but she just purrs and gazes at me with her dark, mysterious eyes!
The weather is really autumnal now - yesterday I was walking from the gym and the pavement was covered by a blanket of beautiful, russet coloured leaves that had just fallen from the trees. It is very warm for this time of year! But the days are getting shorter and shorter as it comes up to Christmas. I will never forget our first Christmas in 2004. How marvelous and magical it was! It seems like yesterday! It was the best Christmas ever!
A few weeks ago, Julie drove me down to Balthornes safety deposit, where yours and Madonnas ashes have been for the last few years. I collected your two little caskets to take home to the flat, where they belong, my dearest. When you left me in 2016, I took them with your ashes in to Balthornes to be kept safe until I died, so that I could be buried with you and Madonna.But I have been told that nobody would know about that until it was too late and I was already buried, and Julie pointed out that it would be best if you were both back at the flat in a place that she knew about. I feel so much happier knowing that yours and Madonnas ashes are in the flat, close to me - we will never again be parted, darling. God Bless you, my love. Till we meet in Heaven, Mum XXX

Added by Francesca Mum on 05/11/2022

My dearest, darling girl, it is nearly the end of May - next week it will be the start of June, which is now the saddest month in the year for me - on the 29th, it will be the sixth anniversary of your leaving this world; Oh my darling, I still miss you so, so much, and my arms ache to hold you. Time passes and it can do so much. Last night, after Ray had gone to bed, I was cuddling Lola, your sister, on the settee and I asked her softly if she remembered her beautiful sister (you) and how happy we would be if you were still with us - if only things had been different. That night I dreamt of what might have been and I awoke, tears on my pillow. and an ache in my heart.

The days are growing longer - this morning, dawn was breaking before four am. . I remember so vividly, those last weeks of your darling little life, that we spent together, six years ago, now. And how ardently I wish that I could turn the clock back, if only for a few seconds, for just one moment in time, as the song goes..I always tell Lola "There should be two of you, here with me" Oh darling - if only, if only,,,,,, The other day, Rocco was playing with some empty carrier bags I had left lying on the floor, and he got the handles of a Tesco bag tangled round his neck, just like you used to do. I looked at him, and then gently knelt down beside him and untangled it, before he strangled himself!. He is still very nervous, unnaturally so, but getting braver - the other day, on a warm, summer morning, the bedroom window was open, and he put his paw out onto the window sill, exploring the outside. He used to be terrified of open windows, even on summer mornings.

Darling, we want to come down to the beautiful Garden of Remembrance, as soon as we can - it gives me so much comfort and I feel so close to you there. I have missed it greatly in the past two years! But Ray is having some hospital tests at the moment, and hopefully we will be able to come soon, in the next couple of months, when he is better and able to travel. Until then, God Bless you, my sweet angel. I will love you forever. Till we meet in Heaven. Mum XXX

Added by Francesca Mum on 28/05/2022

Dear , darling Loulamay -- it is nearly Christmas again and my heart aches for you, darling, and those joyful, special times we shared. Often, I will sit on the sofa with Lola, hugging the cushion that has your dear little face on the cover, close to me and it comforts me.. I read, somewhere, that the grief one feels when one loses someone dear, equals the love one feels for them, and I believe that.There will always be a piece of my heart that will belong only to you. - the other day I was writing a Christmas card, and after my name, I wrote Lola's name and then yours - my mind had gone back into the past and I had written your name automatically.

It is a strange Christmas - the pandemic is still with us, and the infection rates are rising, especially in London and there are a lot of stories about the Prime Minister. I have the feeling that we will have another lockdown any day now and I do hope I am wrong. But the infection rates in London are doubling every few days, and something is bound to happen.The Garden of Remembrance is still closed - I have heard from Keri that it is being completely renovated and won't be open till next year. Although that is something to look forward too, I miss going terribly, even though I wouldn't be able to travel that far now, with my leg still bad. These are strange times to live in - I don't expect things will ever go back to the way they used to be.

Your sister is well and so is little Rocco - he is still very nervous and wouldn't go out, even if he could! A few weeks ago he was lying near the window and the winter sunshine was flooding the room - I told him how you loved the sunshine and were always my sunshine in life - everything seemed brighter when you were about! Dearest one - I will be thinking of you and Madonna and lighting candles for you both, this Christmas day and praying that God will always watch over you. God Bless you. Till we meet in Heaven. Mum xxx

Added by Francesca Mum on 19/12/2021

My beloved Loula - it is coming up tp the anniversary of your seventeenth birthday - yours and Lola's and it is coming up to Christmas too, As the days shorten and grow darker, I miss you more and more, as time goes by and the feeling that someone special is missing from my life is never more intense. Oh Darling, this time of the year was so, so special to me - the time that you two were born in 2004 and then that first, marvelous Christmas that we spent together.Those precious years you were with us, we were so, so blessed, my beloved, and are the happiest days of my life.I am sure that Lola often thinks of you too, longingly - on that night you passed, I will never forget, she howled so very piteously. Since then she has howled like that whenever she is left alone in a room and I am sure she is reliving that awful night, when you left us forever and that earthly bond between you was severed. Who knows? I fell in love with you both when I first saw you, at only a few days old, and that love grows stronger as every year passes.The joy and happiness that you brought me, will shine like a beacon of light in my heart forever. Often, when I am alone, I will think of you so longingly, and I will murmur your name lovingly, under my breath. Rocco sometimes does things that are so reminiscent of things you used to do - the other day Ray told me that he found Rocco standing on the worktop in the kitchen, drinking from his glass of water! You always did that and loved drinking from the tap! And this afternoon, when I was wrapping Xmas presents, he was jumping on the paper, gleefully!

The Garden of Remembrance should be opening again this month - there is only one problem. At the moment, I am laid up and cannot walk very far; it happened about two months ago after swimming. I was nearly home, when a crippling pain shot up my left leg and I could hardly walk. They say it is RSI, a bit like Tennis elbow and they don't know how long I will have it for - I have hardly been out for two months now! . But, my darling, it might be a few weeks yet before we can come to the Garden. It is a long journey and I still can't walk very far and my leg will get quite stiff on the train journey - I am making plans for early December, in the hopes that it will have improved sufficiently by then.So we will come then, my dearest, if the gardens are open to the public and I can't wait. It has been so long and I have missed coming terribly - it always gives me such comfort. May God bless you, dearest, on this your special day. I will always love and miss you. Till we meet in Heaven. Mum xx

Added by Francesca Mum on 06/11/2021

My darling beloved little Loula, my precious little pearl, - it is now coming up to the fifth anniversary of your passing. I always believe that you were sent to me from Heaven, lent to me by the Angels for a certain amount of time only, before they took you back. I long for just one moment in time to be with you again, but I know that can never be - not in his world. But, I will always remember what Bev, the receptionist at the vets told me, after you had just passed, my dearest - she told me that when the sun was shining down, it was a sign that you were smiling down on me from Heaven. So, whenever I wake up to a bright, sunny day, my precious, I will hold out my arms and whisper your name, and the breeze seems to whisper back to me and I will feel close to you once more. Darling, I still think of you every morning and every evening and, my little poppet, I still miss you so - I always will - I long for you and I hope that wherever you are, you are happy.

Darling, we are still in the middle of the pandemic - things were beginning to open up, but we still have restrictions, as they say we are having a third wave. The Garden of Remembrance has been closed and I will find out when it is opening up again - we might have to wait until July 19th, sweetheart, as that is when all the restrictions will be lifted, I hope! And I hope that Redbridge Station is open again - as that is the one nearest to the Garden of Remembrance. We haven't been able to come down to the Garden for over a year now, and I have missed it so much - I can always feel your presence, and Madonna's there.

Your sister, Lola, is doing well for her age - you would both be nearly seventeen now, had you lived, my angel baby - but it wasn't to be. I often wonder what it would be like if you were still with us - whenever I see a white cat I am reminded of you, and I will stop and for a moment - I am transported back into the past, as I imagine what could have been. The world is so different now - every year, when June comes, I think back to this time in 2016 to when I lived those last few precious weeks with you. Often, when I am cuddling Lola, I will ask her if she remembers her beautiful sister , but she just purrs and looks at me silently with those dark , mysterious eyes, Rocco is growing up fast, but he is still very nervous and is scared of so many things -he follows me around the flat when I am doing chores! God Bless you, darling, and may He always watch over you and Madonna. Till we meet in Heaven, Mum xxx

Added by Francesca Mum on 16/06/2021

Darling, precious Lou - I haven't written to you or Madonna since Xmas - we are still in the lockdown! The world is a strange, crazy place now, & we don't really know what will happen from day to day. But every day I think of you, Babes, and the very thought of you is like a light in the darkness that brightens my day. Last month, we had snow, and as I stood at the window, gazing at the snowflakes, dancing gracefully down, I thought of you & I wondered what you would think of all that is happening! Snow always reminds me of you - I remembered the first time we had snow after you came here as kittens, when I stood at this window, holding you & Lola in my arms, so you could see! Those days were enchanting, and as the song goes, I thought they'd never end. Wishful thinking,my dearest. Things are everchanging - they can change in the blink of an eye, like with you - one moment you were here the next you weren't. It makes me value Lola more, as I realize how tenuous life is; I am always kissing her & cuddling her, as I know she won't be here for ever. And Rocco too - he & Lola still don't get on!
The seasons are changing - the days are getting longer in the mornings & the evenings are getting brighter now - I can smell spring in the air and, darling, I wish so much that you were here. It is five long years that I have been without you now, five long years that I have been missing you, my angel. I will always miss you sweetheart,and I long for those golden days in my life.
Well, it is now more than a year since we have been down to the Garden of Remembrance in Redbridge, but it seems like ages! I miss taking flowers and cards down to yours & Madonna's plaque - I feel so close to you there! Well, we have several vaccines now you know, so there is light at the end of the tunnel. Things will start opening up next month, & as soon as the Garden is opened, we will come, my sweet angel - if things go as planned & we don't have another lockdown!
God Bless you both, sweetheart. I will adore you forever. Till we meet in Heaven. Mum xxx

Added by Francesca Mum on 07/03/2021

My dear, darling much beloved Loula - 'Heaven is where you meet all the cats you have ever loved' - I read this online some months ago and I thought of you and Madonna at once. I even took a photograph of it on my phone, so that I would always have it with me. Darling, it is coming up to Christmas again, and it is a very strange Xmas. The pandemic is still causing disruption - we haven't been down to the Garden of Remembrance at all this year. It has been closed and won't open until next March, but darling we will be thinking of of you here and remembering both you and Madonna. It is going to be a grim Christmas this year for many because of the severity of the restrictions - for the hospitality industry particularly and for families that have lost family members. In London, we are tier 2, which is not too bad, but a lot of places in England are Tier 3, which has very tight restrictions. At least here I can go swimming and to the hairdressers and the shops are open, although we don't often go, as we have to avoid being with gatherings of people. Dearest, the world is now a very strange place, that is changing rapidly from day to day. But the one thing that is forever constant is my love for you, which is never-ending. The pain of your loss never leaves me or lessens, whatever happens. But, over time, I have learnt to live with that sense of loss, so now it is part of me, just as you are part of me.....I I know how lucky I was to have you with me for the eleven years that I did, also Madonna before you.. Darling, those days were the happiest in my life
Your sister Lola has just been diagnosed with kidney disease & has to be on a diet, but otherwise she is well , or at least she will be once she gets used to the diet food!.Rocco is as lively as usual & never misses an opportunity to annoy Lola! I think there is too big an age difference between them for them to be happy in each others company! I was writing some Xmas cards earlier this evening, and suddenly I noticed that a cat on one of the cards I had been writing looked just like you - I missed you so much then,darling - it is odd little things that remind me so much of you. God Bless you, my dearest. Till we meet in Heaven. Mum xxx

Added by Francesca Mum on 06/12/2020

My dearest, darling beloved little girl - it is autumn now & the anniversary of your birthday is coming up, my precious. The Pandemic is still going on - if anything it has been getting steadily worse, as now we are getting a second wave of infections and , here in London the restrictions have gradually been tightened more and more. The infections have been especially bad in the north of England, where a lockdown has been imposed and in Redbridge, where the Garden of Remembrance is. So we definitely won't be able to come down there anytime this year But through all this, the wonder of loving you, darling, never leaves me. So many little things remind me of you: The other day, on the way to swimming, ( yes, the sports centre is open now, thank goodness, although we have very strict rules now about safe distancing and it is all one way and never very crowded) I saw a white cat, that looked so like you, it was unbelievable. But when I got close to him/her. I saw she had no brown markings on her head, like you, only black. Oh, my darling, how I miss you - I read somewhere, the other day that sometimes one will never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory.. That is so very true - we are making memories all the time, but we don't realize it: once a moment in time has passed one can never get it back.
We have just heard - there is going to be a full, National lockdown for the month of November, starting on Thursday. That is my worst nightmare but, 'que sera, sera', as they say. No swimming, shopping ,hairdresser or anything. We have been told to stay at home
A few months ago,, I saw a little heart shaped locket advertised in a magazine - it had two angel's wings in tiny pearls folded over the front of the heart. On the.back of the locket, the words ' in the arms of the angels' were engraved - immediately I thought of you & Madonna & sent away for it & it was sent to me with the initials of the 2 of you engraved on the heart, over which the 2 angel wings were folded. It is so lovely & I treasure it. You may no longer be with me, darling, but you are forever in my heart. God bless you, my pet. Till we meet in Heaven. Mum xxx

Added by Francesca Mum on 06/11/2020

My dearest, darling, beloved Loula, - it is coming up to the 4th anniversary of your passing my angel baby, & I miss you & think of you as much as always. This year we won't be able to come to the Garden of Remembrance, as we are still in the lockdown,so we will spend June 29th this year at home. We will be celebrating your life & Madonna's & lighting scented candles as we remember the both of you, darling. As soon as it is safe ( probably in September or October), Julie has very kindly offered to give us a lift down to Redbridge in her car & drive us back again. It will give her a chance to see your plaque - she has seen Madonna's tag , but not yours or the plaque. I think the Garden will be closed now probably, as cemetries & parks are at the moment,anyway. Dearest, it will be really heartbreaking for me, not to be able to come for your anniversary month, but this is an unprecedented time..
Last week, there was a really sad piece of news -Street cat called Bob was killed in a freak car accident. He was the ginger cat who rescued his owner, James Bowen from a destitute life & James wrote books about their time on the streets of London, which became bestsellers. He must be so griefstricken, now he has lost Bob - they were so very close & went everywhere together. It was such a cruel stroke of Fate, as Bob must have been more streetwise than most cats. James said in the newspaper article, that he believes Bob's spirit is still with him - he often feels Bob's tail brush against his leg & glimpes flashes of ginger going up the stairs. That is what I felt with you my dearest, when you left me -I often used to see your shadow on the wall & find strands of your white fur months after you had passed. He must feel so bereft - I had your sister Lola to console me, & I still have her, Thank Goodness. But maybe Bob will come back to James some day - maybe in the futue he might have a cat whom he feels he has known before - maybe.........their relationship made such a heartwarming story & I loved reading about them.
Your sister Lola is well.She reminds me so much of you now - I really feel that you are living on in her. Rocco is as mischievous as ever & loves teasing her! God Bless you, my dearest love. Till we meet in Heaven. Mum xxx

Added by Francesca Mum on 24/06/2020

Dearest, sweet angel - I haven't written for a few weeks now, as everything has been very strange - we have been in a lock down since March 19th now, because of a global pandemic, which has been engulfing the world. Shops, businesses, everything is temporarily closed - hospitals are filled to capacity & everyday one hears of people dying or suffering loss - the NHS is stretched to the limit & even front line workers are dying. It is hard to believe that these things are happening - people are losing jobs & livelihoods while businesses fold & the world seems to be changing! I have never experienced anything like it in my entire life - you certainly didn't, my darling. I can't go swimming or to the gym in the mornings anymore or even to places like my hairdressing college or the library.. Ray & I just stay in the flat all the time - I have been cleaning, washing & ironing & most importantly I have been thinking of you: sweetheart - you left the most huge gap in my life when you left, & thinking of you has kept me going during these troubled times.
The weather has been lovely - it is one of the loveliest springs I can remember. The mornings dawn with the sun slowly rising & then flooding the whole world in it's beautiful, golden light - the skies brighten to a lovely clear blue, & are cloudless & the sound of birdsong seems to be everywhere, as there is no noise of passing traffic. I go out for a walk/run every morning for an hour & the world is eerily silent & seems unreal. There is something addictive about it! We don't go out shopping any more - we get it delivered from the supermarkets. I still get cat food from the vets - they bring it to me & put it outside the door.
I don't know if we will get to the Garden of Remembrance in June for your anniversary, poppet. Ray is High risk & can't go out till July while I have to be especially careful not to get anything & infect him. Redbridge station, our nearest stop is closed at the moment, & I feel as if the world has changed my life! But darling, if we don't come in June, I will, in the meantime, be thinking of you & dreaming of the wonderful life we had. We will come as soon as all this is over & things are back to normal.
Your photograph, sweetpea, is on the coffee table - as I gaze at while I am writing, I see rainbows & my mind fills with happy thoughts & memories. Rocco still plays on the landing, while Lola sometimes sneaks down to the front door when I am not looking. Love you for ever, babes.God Bless You Till we meet in Heaven Mum xx

Added by Francesca Mum on 21/04/2020

My sweet, unforgettable little girl - I have been thinking about you more than ever this year - at times I really feel that you are with me still, in spirit. It has been a cold winter, but we have had some good, sunny days. Whenever I see rays of sunlight, I think of you, dearest. On a sunny day, early in January 2020, as I was in the bedroom one morning, changing the bed linnen, I was talking to you, telling you how much I loved and missed you. I could almost feel your presence, beloved one. Then suddenly I heard the sound of a cat's paws scratching on the wooden floor & Lola crept out guiltily from under the bed, & went over to the bedroom door. I had the strangest feeling that she knew I was talking to you. A few weeks ago, I was half asleep on the living room couch one night, when I heard Lola rushing around, playing - I knew instinctively that she was playing with you, so I felt everything was alright & I didn't wake up properly. In the morning I was cuddling Lola, & I looked at her & asked her if she had enjoyed playing with you - she just purred softly & gazed at me with her mysterious, green eyes, that reminded me so very much of yours.
The other day, I had left the flat to go shopping & I turned at the garden gate to look up at our flat window: Lola & Rocco had both been looking out of the window when I left. But for a split second, as I looked up, I thought I saw your beloved little face looking down at me, just as you used to look. Then I blinked & you were gone - back into the shadowy mists of time from whence you came & there was no one there. I closed the gate & walked slowly down the road. Another day, early in January, I was in our local chemist, & I was chatting to one of the girls that I knew there, about this new decade that has just started. She said " I only hope it is better than the last ones." I was silent for a second, then I said thoughtfully " It can't be , for me - in the last 2 decades, I had my beautiful girl. Loulamay. Nothing can be that good."
Oh darling, I hope that wherever you are, you can tell, from these little stories, how very much you will always mean to me & how much I will always love you. God Bless, sweet angel. Till we meet in Heaven. Mum xxx

Added by Francesca Mum on 16/02/2020

My dearest, sweet angel - did you realise that this is the fourth Xmas that I have been without you? - I miss you as much as ever - my longing for you never seems to decrease, but then my darling, you are, and always will be, part of me - part of my very heart and soul.
On November 13th, the day before your birthday, Ray and I went up to the Garden of Remembrance with two little pots of roses for you and Madonna - it was the anniversary of her bithday last month. This time the roses were planted in pots and I thought they would last longer than cut roses, which would soon wither and die. The flower bed under your beautiful plaque looked immaculate and lovingly cared for, and I put your little pots just under your plaque, dearest love - as always white roses for you and red for Madonnna, and I had written a loving note. Although it was winter, it was the most beautiful, sunny day - cold but fresh and bright. When I stood in front of your plaque, I saw the rays of sunlight beaming down from a clear, blue, cloudless sky and I thought to myself " she is smiling down on us " and I felt comforted immeasurably. And then we found your little tags - and I gave each one a gentle kiss. We didn't stay very long this time, as Ray has been diagnosed with a lung complaint and has to be careful of the cold air!
Just recently, Lola, your sister hasn't been well either, or rather I thought she wasn't - she wasn't eating her dry food much, so I ended up taking her to the surgery and then to Grant. All her blood tests were clear and Grant said it must be a flare up of her bowel condition. So I ordered her some new fish flavoured biscuits to try and tempt her, and she seems to like them. But I think Rocco is upsetting her, jumpimg on her and chasing her - he is a naughty boy. But he is only one & three quarters and very lively still and dear Lola is fifteen and wants a quiet life. I will have to try and sort it out in the new year - I always hoped that they would grow into each other! But he is a bit of a bully now, and I shout at him every time he chases and jumps on poor Lola.
My darling girls, I will always love and miss you - on this Xmas Day, I pray that you will always have peace, joy and live in eternal light and love. God Bless. Till we meet in Heaven, Mum xxx

Added by Francesca Mum on 25/12/2019

My darling, beloved fluffy little girl - it is coming up to what would have been your fifteenth birthday. If only, if only you had lived. Time has passed and time can do so much - when each anniversary of your birth comes around, I love and miss you more each year. Oh my darling love. Last month, Ray & I were standing by the partly open bedroom window, when a white feather with small black markings floated gently across your window box in the fresh, Autumnal breeze & darling, I thought of you & I wondered if you were sending me a message through the mists that separate us. I stretched out my hand & caught the feather & carried it through to the living room, where I laid it carefully on the coffee table. Later I placed it in my jewellery box in the chest of drawers, for safe-keeping. It is moments in time like this that become our memories. Lola will be fifteen to, on November 14th. I can hardly believe how quickly the years have passed, dear one. It seems like only yesterday that we brought you two kittens back to this flat for the first time, all those years ago. How I wish it were possible to turn back time! Yet again, it is coming up to Christmas, our special, special time. Early this week, I had started wrapping Christmas presents, & as soon as I got out the cat Christmas stockings, Rocco came rushing over, scrambling frantically for them - I expect it was the bags of catnip that alerted him! And the memories of past Christmases with you engulfed me. I remember how you always found those cat stockings, wherever I hid them & burst those catnip bags open. Later I took the satin dressing gown that you passed away on from the bedside cabinet, so I could hold it in my arms when I go to sleep. I treasure it still & it helps me feel close to you, baby. I will fall asleep & dream of you when my world will be filled with sunshine & dancing rainbows. On November 13th, we will be going down to the Garden of Remembrance, to yours & Madonna's beautiful plaque with flowers & a lovely card to honour your memory. God Bless you, my 2 beautiful girls. Till we meet in Heaven. Mum xx P.S. I love you

Added by Francesca Mum on 10/11/2019

My dearest, darling, fluffy little girl - I'm thinking of you and missing you, as much as always.. It is the ordinary, everyday little things that remind me so much of you. Carnival time has come around again, & as usual we are staying in, with the gates all barricaded . But this morning, very early, before the carnival had started up, I walked over to the Porchester centre, to the swimming pool there; when I got there, I thought to myself sadly 'The last time I was here, Loulamay was alive'. That was in December 2015, just months before you left us forever, darling.Those memories are like a beautiful elusive dream that I am always chasing & can never quite catch. Oh dearest, wherever you are, be happy. Last month, on the night of July 16th, I dreamed a dream about you: I don't remember what it was about exactly, but I saw your beloved little face so very clearly, with all it's distinctive markings. So you see, you are constantly in my thoughts, darling and the dream was so comforting. Lola is used to carnivals by now: she just sits by the living room window, looking out at all the people going up and down the normally quiet street. It is a beautiful day: the sun is shining down from an almost cloudless sky, and it is hot at almost 32 degrees. But with Rocco, it is another story; he knows something is going on. He is sitting in the doorway of the flat, too nervous to go downstairs to the landing to play, as he normally does. I expect he can hear the sound systems going and the high pitched sound of the whistles & horns. He was too apprehensive to even play upstairs, and ran under the bed.But he is a sweet natured cat, although he & Lola don't always see eye to eye! He has been a great comfort to me, & seems to understand what I am feeling. Lola plays with me sometimes now, and likes a toy of Rocco's - it has brightly coloured feathers & is on a long rod, that I wave around & she tries to catch! Rocco normally loves it, but he is too nervous, what with all the noise going on outside. I am glad that Lola plays with me sometimes now - before she always missed you too much. my dearest to even play with me. God bless you darling & may He always watch over you. I'll always love you Till we meet in Heaven. Mum xx

Added by Francesca Mum on 26/08/2019

My darling, sweet angel -it is just coming up to the third anniversary of your passing. Time is relentless - it just moves on regardless. That memory of your last night with us will never leave me and I will always miss you so. - though you & Madonna will always be part of my life in spirit. These long, summer days remind me so very much of you and how you loved lying by the bedroom window, enjoying the warm, summer sunshine. As I stand by that very same window now, listening to the sound of leaves on nearby trees whispering gently in the summer breeze, the world seems so alive, but I will always feel that someone is missing, my dear one - you, who should be here with us.

Yesterday we went down to your plaque in the P.D.S.A.Garden of Remembrance, to honor your memory. The day was overcast, and cloudy, unlike other years when it has been sunny and hot. But the little garden was very peaceful and beautiful and I felt so close to you both. The flower bed beneath your plaque was alive with colour and looked beautiful. There were some gorgeous ruby red flowers growing there, with scatterings of some yellow and white ones. We had brought down two little potted Geraniums for you and Madonna - a white one for you, my love and a pink one for darling Madonna. White for you, as it reminded me of your beautiful white fur. I placed them both under your plaque and they blended in so well with the flowers growing in the bed. I kissed your plaque gently and then we went to find your tags on the pillars. I could sense your spiritual presence there, in that beautiful, peaceful garden. While Ray wandered round the cemetery, I told you how very much I loved you, and would always love and miss you both and how we would be back again soon with Julie, as she has never seen your beautiful plaque. It is wonderful to have somewhere to come on these special days, where I can feel close to you, my dearest love. Before leaving, I took photographs of the lovely flower bed beneath your plaque, so that I can look at them at home, when I am missing you and feeling sad.
When we got home we saw, Coreeen, the cat sitter who had been with Lola and Rocco, who was behaving himself, for a change. He has a sweet nature and grows more and more like you. Your sister Lola is well, but I feel she still misses you. God bless you, sweet angel and watch over you always. Till we meet in Heaven. Love you forever Mum xxx

Added by Francesca Mum on 28/06/2019

My darling, beloved, fluffy little girl - it is Easter Sunday 2019 now: the sun is shining, there is a fresh but warm breeze, & early this morning, I heard the sound of beautiful, happy birdsong; but my heart aches for you, my angel & I miss you so. Echoes of the happiest days of my life overcome me, as my eyes mist over. I remember in 2016, Easter was at the end of March - that was to be the last Easter we would ever be together: you were sick all over the Easter & on the Monday you couldn't eat at all, without vomiting,. you poor little soul & you spent the day on top of the wardrobe in the bedroom. Ray was at football, & I just lay on the bed in the bedroom all day, worrying about you & willing you to come down & eat. Funnily enough, I remember that the TV in the living room wouldn't come on. It is strange, the way unimportant little things stick in your mind at times like this! We found out later that it was a switch I must have pressed, when I was cleaning it. Then, at the beginning of April, you had your operation, my love.

May & Lee, my friends, came over on Good Friday: May is a great cat lover & Lee too. May & I were talking about pets, & you in particular - she was telling me that she has had many pets during her life, & each time one of them passed away, a piece of her heart went with them. But, in return, she kept a piece of each one's heart, in hers. I think that is a really lovely way of putting it & is very, very true. That is the way it is for us. my sweet angel. When you passed, you took a piece of me, my heart with you. But, in return, I have a piece of your beloved heart, that will be forever there, & we will be always joined. I was telling her, how a few weeks before I got Rocco, Var was giving me a lift home in the car, when he asked me why I had never got another cat, as I had such a lot of love to give. I replied that I couldn't, as when you left me, you took all my love with you. Then, when I got Rocco, a strange mood seemed to take me over: I just answered an advert & got Rocco, without even seeing him! I often wonder if you were not putting thoughts in my head from the next world.
Your sister Lola is well & so is Rocco, who has grown a lot since I last wrote to you.. He just loves his food & is always eating. He & Lola still don't get on all the time; they do sometimes, but they have their little spats & tend to go into their separate little places. God Bless, my fluffy little angel. Until we meet in Heaven. Mum xxx

Added by Francesca Mum on 21/04/2019

My dear, sweet Loulamay - Spring 2019 is here already, & I still miss you, my darling. The days are gradually getting longer, and signs of Spring, with it's hope & new life are appearing - it is everyday things that suddenly remind me of you: fresh Spring breezes, clear, azure blue skies tinged with pink, as the early morning sun struggles to burst through the white clouds scudding swiftly across them; green shoots on the trees; the mysterious skies at night with myriads of bright, shining stars. I will see all these things, & I will think of you.You live all around me - you are in my soul and live always deep in my heart. Often I will be enveloped by my memories of you, which are like precious, priceless jewels to me, & I will re-live all the joy and happy times that you brought into my life, until memories from the long ago are just as real as the present. Darling, I will love & miss you until the end of time itself.I am sure your dear sister Lola still misses you. She won't play at all with Rocco & not even with me - she always had you to play with & you always did everything together as kittens. I don't think she wants to play without you - nobody else will do. . It is as if she is stuck in a time warp and doesn't know how to play without you - I will always remember the tricks you two got up to in those early days. I was so carefree and happy then.
Rocco is healthy and growing up fast. He was one at Xmas & he is always desperate to play with Lola, but she doesn't want to know! So I play with him a great deal on the landing, which he loves. Darling, he has your eyes, & sometimes looks at me with the same inquiring & affectionate expression that you did. It is when I take him to the vets that memories of you come flooding back: I remember when I took him to be neutered at the end of April last year, I knelt down in the reception area to give him a little kiss 'goodbye'. As I knelt there, I felt a sudden, stabbing pain, as I had a flashback of that terrible, final day, when I had brought your beloved body in after you had passed & I kissed you for the last time. I got up & walked out of the vets, amidst the echoes of past memories of you, my love. It was raining & the raindrops fell on me, like the tears I was crying inside.God bless you, dearest. Till we meet in Heaven. Mum xxx

Added by Francesca Mum on 10/03/2019

My beloved little angel - it is nearly Xmas again & it will be the third Xmas that I have been without you - my darling, there is still a great big hole in my life now I no longer have you. Nothing & no one can ever fill it. Darling girl, I will always, always miss you more than anyone or anything, especially at this, our Special, Special time - Xmas was always Our time. I remember so vividly the night of December 23rd 2004, when you & Lola first came home with us, from Teresa's house where you were born. That was indeed a magical time - a time that I will always think of with longing. A time that will be forever engraved upon my heart. Yesterday Rocco & I were in the bedroom, gazing out of the window at the wintery world - the trees were bare & the clouds were scudding across the murky skies. And then I saw it - a pure, white feather resting on the sprouting Forget-me-nots in your window box, and, my sweet angel, I thought of you. The pure, snow white feather reminded me of your beautiful, beautiful snow white fur - so soft & lovely to the touch. It made me feel so close to you in that moment - was it a sign from you, my babes? A sign that your soul is still with us? I stood, transfixed, & then turned away to wipe away my tears.
The flat is so different now, my sweet - I only wish you could have lived to see it & enjoy it. That part of the living room, where the cat tree and Rocco's shelves are, is dedicated to your memory & Madonna's. Every time I see Lola & Rocco enjoying it, I think of you - I have given them everything I couldn't give to you, in your memory. I know that is what you would want. As I write this, Lola is sitting beside me on the settee, & she keeps brushing her head against the paper that I am writing on, almost as if she knows. Dear Lola has been like a rock to me, since you left. She & Rocco get on better now & they don't fight so often! But they still growl at each other sometimes.

Last night I witnessed a little Xmas miracle! I found Lola & Rocco under the radiator together! I could almost feel you , smiling down on us - it was indeed a Xmas miracle. After all these months of fighting - I thought they would never get on. On Xmas Day, my beloved Loula, we will be burning a beautiful scented candle, in your memory & Madonna's. Oh my darling, I will forever love you - I wish you eternal love & light on this Xmas Day. God Bless you, my love, Till we meet in Heaven Mum xxx.

Added by Francesca Mum on 24/12/2018

My dearest, beloved little girl - on Wednesday it would have been your fourteenth birthday. Never a day goes by when I don't think of you lovingly & long for those golden days in my life, when you were with me. I bless the day that you & Lola were born - that day in 2004, when my whole life would change. Time moves on relentlessly, things are always changing, but darling, my love for you will never change - it is never ending & it grows stronger every day. My memories of you are like jewels that are always sparkling & are so very, very precious.
Your sister Lola is well & little Rocco is growing fast - he is no longer 'little Rocco'! He is heavier now than you ever were, but he is going to be a big cat! His body is very long, even though he is so young! But he is still jumping on poor Lola, & a few weeks ago a nurse from the surgery, who studied cat behavior, came round to the flat. She told me that I should de-clutter it & get Rocco a cat tree, that he can play on. Cats need space, she explained, - environment is very important. So, my dearest the flat has been de-cluttered - one of the settees has gone, the coat stand & dozens of other things. There was an awful lot of clutter & stuff I didn't use any more. I don't think I have cleared anything since you left me on that awful June night in 2016. Well, dear one, the flat is very different now ; there is so much space & there is a cat tree over in the corner where you were last, on that tragic June night. Julie is going to make a little notice dedicating the tree to your memory, my beloved girl. I keep thinking how you would have loved it & imagining you running, jumping up it, & most importantly, Living & just being happy, my darling. Oh, my dearest - my heart aches for you so. Your cushions (yours & Madonna's) are over by the window, on the ottoman that I sit on when I am working on the laptop. I will be getting you a new memory stand, as the present one has glass shelves, & Rocco is always knocking it over! I am always afraid that the glass will be shattered, also your photographs & Madonna's are all in glass frames. That would be dangerous for the 2 cats - the glass could get in their paws. Twixie is well - I have been cat sitting for Julie quite often.
May God bless you, & always keep you safe my precious, precious darling, on this special day & always. Till we meet in Heaven. Mum xxx

Added by Francesca Mum on 11/11/2018

My dearest, beloved , unforgettable girl, the days are getting shorter again, and babes, I miss you so. The long, hot summer is becoming a distant memory & it is so much cooler & fresher now.The summer was hot - far too hot - the heat was so muggy & draining - and the days were much more sultry than in any summer in your lifetime, my love. I had to get cool pads for both Rocco & Lola, but it was far too hot for them to have much effect! We have an extra strong fan in the living room now, & the other week dear Rocco sent it flying! I thought, at first, that it was broken, as it came in half! He was on the cabinet, by your memory stand and he pushed it with his paw & it crashed over on top of the fan. But nothing was broken & Ray put the fan together again.
In many ways, Rocco reminds me so much of you - when he stretches out his body & extends his back leg in an arabesque, my darling, I think of you with a tear in my eye. I called you my 'little ballerina', when you did that. And sometimes, when he stands on the kitchen worktop, drinking water from Ray's glass, my heart gives a lurch as I remember how you loved doing that too. And he eats more than you, if that is possible! Mind you, you never got the chance to eat like he does, as you were always on a diet, my poor little love. But he is going to be a big cat - his paws are enormous & his body is very long, though his face is still the face of a kitten and he does things that kittens do. He is 9 months now!
Oh darling - memories of you come to me day & night, like little rays of sunlight , lighting up my life. Late the other night I was in the bathroom, when I saw the shadow of a white cat reflected on the wall opposite. At first I thought it must be Rocco, but it couldn't have been, as he was shut in the bedroom - Lola was in her bed in the living room. Had you visited me briefly, my angel baby? I feel that you had, but it remains one of the mysteries of life. Another night I heard a cat meowing - the TV was off & the 2 cats were asleep. Another mystery? Darling I never stop loving you - God Bless, sweetheart. Till we meet in Heaven. Mum xxx

Added by Francesca Mum on 02/09/2018

My beloved Loula, my sweet angel, it was the second anniversary of your passing on Friday June 29th. On Thursday we went down to the Garden of Remembrance, to the plaque in your memory & Madonna's. We left Lola & Rocco shut in separate rooms in the flat in case they fought, & Coreen, the cat sitter paid them a visit - Rocco has never been alone for more than 1/2 hour, & Coreen told me later that he was hiding behind the settee & only came out when she went into the bedroom to see Lola - he called out to her for reassurance, but she didn't answer!! I felt really sorry for the poor little fellow. I took a potted plant down to the PDSA Garden of Remembrance, to leave by your plaque - last year I brought 2 single roses - white for you & red for Madonna, but it is too hot now for cut roses to last this year - they would have wilted & died the same day So it was a potted plant this year with a little card in Loving Memory of you & Madonna & I wrote a little message on the card, saying how I thought of you every day & dreamed of you every night. When we arrived, Ray took some photos of your plaque & then wandered round the garden. When I was alone I gave your plaque a loving kiss & I told you, with little tears falling from my eyes, how much I love you both & miss you & I thanked you for the indescribable joy that you had both brought into my life. Oh darling, darling!. Then we went & found your two little tags, hanging on the pillars & I thought how marvellous it is to have somewhere to come on special days when I can visit & remember you and the person I was once. When one loses a beloved pet, one loses the person one was. That time can never be recaptured but it lives on in one's memory like an elusive dream. It was a beautiful, warm, sunny summer's day, which belied the dark grief I was feeling, as I tried to recapture those magic moments between us, by reaching, reaching desperately into the deep recesses of my mind & soul. Oh darling girl, I still can't fully believe that you are gone forever, but part of me believes that a litte piece of you has come back to me in Rocco - there is just a feeling, a look in his eyes......then the feeling goes, but it returns. I have noticed that Lola has started doing things that she hasn't done for years - things that you & she used to do - I think that her little mind is going back in time too & she is remembering you. Just before we left, I went into the little garden next to the Garden of Remembrance & thought of you - if I closed my eyes, I could feel your presence, see your beloved little face & feel your soft fur. I went back in time for a split second & I felt that we were united again just for a brief moment . Sleep well, my sweet girls, Till we meet in Heaven. Mum xxx

Added by Francesca Mum on 03/07/2018

My darling, beloved furry little girl - I have almost finished typing your letters - I have only got a couple left to do. They say that time heals all wounds, but I don't think that is true. It is just that we get better at dealing with it, and living with the pain of loss, and as time moves on different things happen to divert one. But the pain remains just as intense. The feeling that I am locked in a world of grieving, missing and longing for what can never be, will never leave me. Even as I play with Rocco, I feel something tugging at my heart-strings, as I remember doing the same things with you, beloved. I love you just the same as I always did, darling, and you will always have a special, special place in my heart. The memory of that Spring & Summer of 2016, with all the pain of saying goodbye for the last time will never leave me, however many years go by. To quote the Queen Mother, " It doesn't get any better,but you get better at it". Rocco has been with us for 3 months now, but his relationship with Lola is still very volatile! He is such an awful tease, & keeps trying to get into bed with her, poking at her with his paw! But she doesn't want to play and hisses, smacking him & growling. He will often chase her and try to jump on her back & that really gets her annoyed! But then I realise he has no one to play with - you & Lola had each other. I feel really sorry for him - he is only a kitten still. I have been training him on a harness, like I did with you & Lola. I have taken him outside, but he seems terrified. He won't even go outside the flat door. I remember so clearly when Ray & I took you & Lola out on your harnesses to introduce you to the outside world - we took you down to the front door, but you really didn't like it & we never got any further than the front gate! We took you out a few times but in the end we gave up. To be honest, I don't think there is all that much for cats to enjoy on the outside in this area of London. Some of the things that Julie tells me that happened to Twixie when he was a kitten make my blood run cold! The outside is not all it is cracked up to be. Once he went missing for 3 days, & Julie & Mysti were frantic with worry! They found him in the end, hiding under a motorcycle cover & he was terrified & starving, poor little soul. He is still bullied by other cats, so I don't think you missed much, my angel - I think it will be best if Rocco doesn't go out. He has a certain vulnerability about him, like you did. He is also very shy of strangers, like you were. He is so similar to you in so many ways, that I often wonder if part of you has come back to me. I guess I will always wonder ....... Beloved, my life will never be the same without you in it. God Bless, my sweet. Till we meet in Heaven. Mum xx

Added by Francesca Mum on 24/05/2018

My beloved, darling Loula - I haven't written to you for a couple of months, but dearest, I have been thinking about you all the time. I have been putting all your letters together for a book I am writing about you & Madonna to raise money for charity - I've been printing them off so I can retype them in date order & I didn't want to post any new ones until I had done that. It is half way through April now & darling, how fast & relentlessly time passes! I have seen a beautiful pendant in a magazine, with a meaningful poem engraved on the back that makes me think of you. It reads: 'Those we love don't go away, They walk beside us every day. Unseen, unheard but always near, Still loved, still missed, but very dear' These words comfort me & make me feel as if you are close to me. It will soon be 2 years since you left us & there have been so many dark, lonely days. I realize now, that every second I spent with you was a blessing & that there will never be a time like that again - it was so special. I'll never know what prompted me to get Rocco, back in February. I did it on impulse & I am so glad now that I did. Every time that I look at him, darling, I think of you, & I see so much of you in him. I often wonder if your spirit has come back to me in some, strange way - I will never know the answer to that - not for sure. He does so many of the things that you did & is so like you in so many ways: from the very first night he seemed to settle in quickly & knew where everything was - I often wonder whether he has been here before! Like you, he loves his food & often gets up on the worktops in the kitchen looking for any bits he can find. He is fascinated by water. He loves paddling in the bath & drinking water from glasses! He loves all your favourite places, especially sitting on the draining board & looking out of the kitchen window! When I saw him there, something pulled at my heart strings, as I remembered all the times you had done that. He is very mischievous & loves teasing poor Lola! He follows her all over the flat, he wants to play with her & tries to jump on her back, he tries to get into her bed when she is in it, he stalks her wherever she goes & even tries eating her food when he gets the chance! He also does arabesques with his back leg, exactly like you. When I reminisce about our times together to my friends or Ray, they will say " Oh, it is hard to remember, it is so long ago now". I will gaze into the distance, with a far away look & murmur softly " To me, it is like yesterday - sometimes the past is more real than the present " God Bless you, my sweet. Till we meet in Heaven. Mum xxx

Added by Francesca Mum on 16/04/2018

My darling, sweet Loula - I have just been reading the diaries of 2006 that I kept for you. I have got to the part in it when my friend Vera died & there was this memorial service for her, but all her friends that attended hadn't seen her for years & had no real memories of her. I thought that was so sad. But, my sweet I have such wonderful memories of you - I know you will live on in those marvellous recollections that I have & also in this diary. I have written ' I am writing this diary, so that in time to come, when the girls are old, I will be able to read this diary & remember clearly all the love, fun, companionship & tears that we all shared.' You know, darling, that Ray was with you & looked after you a great deal in 2006: he didn't go back to work full time until 2007, & I went to work. I was always phoning him up when I got there, to find out what the latest bulletins about you were ! You, my angel, used to be so shy, but you really came out of your shell in 2006. You got to be SO cheeky - how you loved those drawers under the bed! I read that one day, I phoned Ray up to find out what mischevious things you had been doing, & he told me that you had got into a drawer under the bed by kicking out the clothes that were stored in it, to make room for yourself! I will never forget Ray plaintively saying " She never put the clothes back!" He used to take both of you down onto the landing to play most mornings, & hissed loudly at you when he wanted you to come back to the flat. It worked! One time, he told me, you were skating across the living room floor with a plastic bag on your head & your back legs tangled up in the spare TV cord! Those were the days! Another time you manged to open a cupboard door & get in, so Lola, who was outside slammed it shut, after head-butting you! I often wondered if you upset her when you started eating her food, & that was her way of getting back at you!
My angel, we have just got an 8 wk old kitten, who is so like you, it is uncanny. I decided to get him, as I thought Lola was lonely & would like some company - but it hasn't worked out like that! She hisses at him & I think she feels threatened. So I am showering her with attention. He is SO like you - he even tries to eat her food & has an obsession with her litter tray. But he is very sweet natured & affectionate & he is such a baby.Also he so loves his food & he sits on the bathmat in the bathroom, when I have a bath! So I am hoping so much that it works out with dear Lola. I have named him Rocco, in memory of you - I was going to call you Rocco, when I thought you were a boy! Oh darling, I love you so & I will always miss you. God Bless, babes. Till we meet in Heaven. Mum xxx

Added by Francesca Mum on 26/02/2018

My beloved, precious white pearl - it is now January 2018 - time moves on relentlessly - I found a diary I kept for you in 2006-7. I forgot that I had it, so it was a nice surprise. I got up early today to read it & memories of you come flooding back. This morning, everything seemed very still & silent . I gazed out of the kitchen window at the still dark skies & deserted streets - the pavements looked very glassy - it had been raining & it must have been freezing outside. I remembered how you & Lola would love to jump on top of the kitchen cabinets & look through these windows, transfixed ,watching the world go by. You would react to everything that went on in the street below - like a fire engine racing up the road or the sound of cars tooting their horns - your tails would move nineteen to the dozen! But you had calmed down a lot since you first came to me - grown up. I had been reading about your obsession with water - how you loved standing on the kitchen worktops, catching drops of water from the tap. You also liked drinking water from our glasses (not your bowls) - often you would knock the glasses over, then watch the water spill over the coffee table & floors & then try to lick it up! There was never a dull moment in those days & it was fascinating to watch your little personalities develop. Another time, I was washing my hair in the bathroom basin, when you hopped into the basin - I had to call Ray to get you out as my hands were all soapy! You & Lola didn't play fight so much - you charged through the flat,chasing each other . You had this mouse made out of brightly coloured string that you were always playing with - the times that I had to get it out from under the fridge, washing machine or sideboard! And you were always breaking into the cupboard in the kitchen that I kept your food in! In the end Julie put a child lock on it to stop you getting in! There was so much fun & laughter in the flat in those days. Sometimes I wonder where it has all gone - but, darling, it went with you
Dearest, Teresa hasn't heard anything about your brother TC in some time. Last time she heard from the friend of Richard's, who owns him now, he had gone missing for a few days. When he did come back, he was smelling of a women's perfume! Teresa reckons that he stayed with some female that fed him! A right little Casonova.!
God bless you, sweet angel. Till we meet in Heaven Mum xxx

Added by Francesca mum on 22/01/2018

My Dearest, Precious One - today is Xmas Day 2017 - Dearest, I miss you so terribly & I keep thinking how marvelous it would have been if you were here with us - you should be here where you belong. Nothing is the same without you, my precious. We have a beautiful, scented candle in your memory & Madonna's, in a golden coloured holder & it looks & smells gorgeous. We lit it on December 23rd, as I remembered the first time that you & Lola came back to my flat on December 23rd 2004. I will never ever forget that magical, enchanting night that was to change my whole life. Now, on Xmas Day 2017, we have lit it again & I am thinking of you, my baby , & praying for you. Thank you, my precious one for all the joy & happiness that you brought me then & in the ensuing years. I have just opened the present that Julie gave me: it is a cushion with your image superimposed on it & there is another one for dear Madonna. I think it is a lovely, lovely idea & the cushions will bring me such a lot of comfort. I will probably take them to bed with me, so I can give you both a hug when I am feeling blue & missing you. I think Julie is the only one who understands how very dearly I love you still. I am so touched & my darling, there are mementos of you all over this flat - I can almost sense your presence with us today. Be happy,my dearest, playing in the green fields by the Rainbow Bridge - wait for me with Madonna, darling, & then we will never be parted again. I wish you Peace, Love & Joy today & always. God Bless, Angel Baby. Till we meet in Heaven. Mum xxx

Added by Francesca Mum on 25/12/2017

My dearest, sweet Lou - it is December 2017 now & it is drawing nearer & nearer to Xmas. My heart aches for you so - Xmas 2004 was our time; our special, special time, when you & Lola first came home with me on December 23rd 2004. I will always remember the drive back to my flat from Teresa's home that evening - it was cold, but not snowing & the night skies were clear & starlit. Practically all the houses that we passed on the way were lit with sparkling Xmas lights & trees - like a real winter wonderland, so festive & full of hope. You & Lola were very quiet in your cage - probably wondering what was happening, as you had never left Teresa's house or you mother, Baby before. It is snowing as I write this & I gaze sadly through the window at the fluttering, dancing white snowflakes, remembering that joyful night & the happy, golden days that were to follow. You were such a bright light, my sweet, such a vibrant little soul - I will love & remember you until the end of Time itself. Tragically, one cannot turn back time - we were brought together by fate, but in the end fate intervened & took you away from me to another world, far too soon, leaving me bearing an almost unbearable sorrow & gap in my soul. It was if the sun had suddenly disappeared from my life, when you left us in 2016. The other day, I was travelling home on the tube, & some people in Xmas hats got into my carriage & started singing joyful Xmas songs. For a moment I felt happy & then I remembered that you would not be waiting for me at home, & I felt such a huge sense of loss & little tears came to my eyes. Xmas won't ever be the same without you, my special, special furry little babe. It makes me smile, for a moment, to remember your excitement & pleasure in small, simple things. You & Lola would play about for hours with toilet rolls & plastic bags, ignoring the expensive toys I had bought for you both. I bought Lola an interactive mouse on her birthday ( & yours ), but she ignores it & never plays with it, When I saw Teresa the other day, she told me that your brother Cookie had been in a terrible fight. A few days ago, early in the morning, she was awakened by a loud yowling & meowing coming from the garden - she dashed down there & found Cookie & a grey cat tearing each other apart - there was cat fur flying all over the place! She hissed at the grey cat, who ran off, & grabbed hold of Cookie & locked him in the house! But she tells me that he spends most of the time in the house now & even has his own special seat in the living room - that is a good thing as life can be quite tricky for cats outside in London! God bless, my sweet, darling angel, & I wish you all the peace & joy in the world this Xmas. Till we meet in Heaven Mum xxx

Added by Francesca Mum on 14/12/2017

My dearest, darling furry little baby - it is winter now & on November 14th it would have been your 13th birthday. Oh darling, when you were born, a whole new world opened up for me - I saw everything through rose coloured glasses & the world was tinged with happiness & light. Every new day was like a precious gift. We shared so many special moments - often on cold winter nights, you would come into bed with me & keep me warm. I remember how you would lie on me &, snuggling up to me, you would put your paws around my neck - I would put my arms around you & hold you close to my heart as I felt the warmth from your little body envelop me. Now, I just lie there, holding the pillow in my arms, & closing my eyes, I can almost see your beloved little face as I l drift off , dreaming of you. As I sit here writing this, I remember how you & Lola loved pens when you were kittens - I would be sitting at the table, writing & you would both knock all the pens from the coffee table onto the wooden floor & skate up & down it, rolling the pens in front of you & trying to jump on them! You took pleasure in the simplest of things! On November 1st we went to the Animal hospital in Ilford, for the Animal bravery awards. We arrived early, so Ray & I went to the garden of Remembrance first, to yours & Madonna's plaque. It was a warm day for November - the ground was covered with beautiful russet coloured leaves that had fallen from the trees & there was a gentle breeze. I kissed your plaque, darling, as 2 little tears came to my eyes - I could almost sense your presence. Then we found your 2 tags, babes, before we were taken round the cemetery, where so many brave animals are buried, many of whom had been awarded the Dickin Medal for gallantry. Then we were shown slides of the P.D.S.A's work & growth over the years since it was founded in 1917 by Maria Dickin. We also had an informative little talk. There were crowds of people with their pets in the hospital, with no fewer than 5 consulting rooms! Lola has become very territorial lately - like you were. When Julie & Va came round to the flat last, Va sat down on the seat that Lola generally sits on - she walked around the settee several times before suddenly jumping up at him, stretching out her paw, as if she was trying to push him off! Va moved, when I explained that she generally sat there.. When you were here, you used to sit there, with your head resting on my leg. Oh darling, I love & miss you - may you rest in everlasting peace, love & joy on this your Special day. God Bless, sweet angel. Till we meet in Heaven. Mum xxx

Added by Francesca Mum on 10/11/2017

My beloved angel baby as usual I am sitting here loving & remembering you. It was raining this morning & the raindrops settled on the lower pane of the window then the autumn sun came out & shone on them, making them glow & glitter like tiny crystals. The whole window seemed to light up & a beautiful ray of golden sun shone directly onto your photo in its silver frame on your cabinet, your beloved little face was lit up & the sun on the silver frame made it shine like a halo surrounding it. As I looked at it, tears filled my eyes & I sat down at the computer desk & started writing you a letter, my love. Teresa came round the other day & as we were sitting chatting, she suddenly bent down & picked something up from the floor by your display cabinet. Then, holding out her hand, she said ' Look, this must be Loulamay's fur it's pure white'. In the palm of her hand were a couple of strands of white fur. As a wave of nostalgia engulfed me, tears filled my eyes & trickled down my cheeks. I carefully took the strands from her outstretched hand & placed them in my jewelry box, with trembling fingers. I could hardly believe it you have been gone from us for nearly 18 months Oh my angel baby, how I have missed & longed for you! But I had the strangest feeling that you were looking down & watching over us. I remember often at night, when I was sleeping (Ray told me ) you would sit at the head of the bed, watching me. Now I feel that you are watching over me from Heaven. As Teresa & I were chatting, we were reminiscing about Baby,( your mother) & Teresa was saying how intelligent Baby was. There was one time when Baby was in the garden & Teresa had locked the cat flap from the inside. Well, Baby managed to work out that the flap wouldn't open inwards, so she must have hooked her claws round it & pulled it outwards & squeezed in under it! That reminded me of how you used to open the sliding doors of the white wardrobe in the bedroom you hooked your claws around the handle & slid it to the side so you could get in! Often you went missing &, having searched everywhere, I would find you in that wardrobe! You were like the 'elusive pimpernel' - your darling sister, Lola has never managed that & always mews for me when she wants to get in there. Your brother, Cookie is well he has calmed down a lot & Teresa says he mainly stays in the garden & doesn't stray any more. He loves curling up by Teresa on the settee- she says he certainly knows how to chill! God bless you, my sweet angel, I never stop thinking of you. Till we meet in Heaven Mum XXX

Added by Francesca Mum on 10/10/2017

My dearest, sweetest little angel - time is moving on & it is Autumn now - there is a distinct chill in the air replacing the often oppressive, humid heat of the summer & there are scatterings of rich, russet autumnal leaves on the pavements. But one thing that will never change is my deep, never ending love for you. It will soon be the first, complete year that we have been without you - time moves on relentlessly & my memories of you that are filled with so much love & longing are locked in my heart where they are frozen in time. During your lifetime, dearest love, I often worried that we had no garden so you couldn't experiece the joys of the outdoors & explore it's mysteries. But the outdoors is often fraught with dangers for cats.: I went to see Julie the other day & she has a lovely garden for her cat, Twixie, but he doesn't often get to enjoy it. There is this big, black ferral cat who terrorises the cat neighbourhood & makes Twixie's life a misery - this cat bullies him constantly, picks fights with him on an almost daily basis & often injures him so badly that Julie has to take him to the vet. Last week, this cat viciously attacked him & they were both hissing & screaming at each other, making a terrible noise. Poor Julie came rushing out of the house with a broom & tried frantically to separate them - there was fur flying all over the place. Eventually the black cat succumbed & limped off while little Twixie came slinking back into the kitchen. Now Julie will never leave the house unless Twixie is safely inside. Another day Julie & Va (her partner) were sitting in the living room watching TV when Twixie came charging in through the front window, which was open, with the black cat hot on his heels. Julie jumped up, flew over to the window & banged the shutters closed just in time to stop the black cat from following him in. So you see life isn't always easy on the outside. Goodness knows what Julie will do in the winter months - it will be dark in the early mornings & dark in the evenings too & it will be difficult for her to see Twixie when she lets him out. Your brother Cookie is well & a great comfort to Teresa since your mother, Baby, disappeared - they still live in the same house that you were born in, my darling. Cookie also got bullied & got into fights with other cats. His tormentor was a very large black cat too - now Cookie avoids all black cats. Since he was neutered, he hasn't been involved in fights, but he still hunts & he often brings dead birds & mice into the house. Darling girl I think of you every day & wish more than anything that you were still with us. God bless you, my little soulmate. Till we meet in Heaven, Mum xxx

Added by Francesca Mum on 10/09/2017

My beloved Loula - as usual, my dearest little girl, you are always in my thoughts & in my heart - I know dear Lola will never get over losing you either. Sometimes she seems to be so lonely - in the mornings she sits quietly on our big bed in the bedroom, I remember very vividly how you used to love spending hours there too, before you got sick. Often I will lie on the bed by her & tell her that it was never meant to be like this - with her on her own - you should be here with us, where you belong. In the afternoons she will often come out to the living room & curl up in your little cat bed by the window. There is quite a story attached to those 2 cat beds - I bought them at Argos several summers ago. To begin with, you each slept in one until I took them both to the laundrette some months later, to freshen them up. When they were back by the window, for some reason you & Lola took it in turns to sleep in the one - neither of you would go into the other one. I tried putting you in it, but you just jumped out - I tried switching the 2 beds round, but you seemed to know - so you both shared the same one, taking it in turns, as it wasn't big enough for the both of you. After your operation, in April 2016 you never went in it again although I put it on the floor as you couldn't jump properly. Lola sleeps in it now & I have put a teddy bear in the other. I couldn't bear to wash your/Lola's bed - I can still see some of your beautiful,snow white fur on it round the edges. The other morning, I came into the kitchen to get Lola's breakfast. I could feel her eyes on me as I stood there - I turned around & gasped - darling, she looked so, so like you. She had the same expression in her eyes as you used to have when I was preparing your food - expectant & eager. I closed my eyes for a second as my mind was transported to a beautiful place - I could almost hear your expectant mew, like an echo from a joyful past. I opened my eyes & blinked away the teardrops as the moment passed & Lola looked like Lola again. I spend as much time as I can with Lola now - your passing taught me how fleeting time is - just as Lola is always looking for you & will never find you, I am always chasing the dream of what might have been if you had lived. Yesterday, Lola & I were in the bedroom looking at your window box . The Forget-me-nots have flowered again & the box was a sea of beautiful, fresh blooms. As I thought of you & Madonna, I opened the window & blew a kiss towards the endless, blue, blue summer skies, hoping it would reach you. I will always love you, darling. God bless. Till we meet in Heaven. Mum xx

Added by Francesca Mum on 20/08/2017

My dearest, sweet Angel - the days are getting shorter - the early mornings are dark now & I miss you more than ever. Time moves on relentlessly & it is now more than a year since you left us. It has been the longest, darkest year of my life - it is said that Time waits for no man. In 2004, Julie & Teresa gave me the greatest gift I have ever received - you & Lola - but darling, time has robbed me of you. You enriched my world & it hurts so much, not having you here, with us, although you will always, always be in my heart. My sweet girl, as time moves on, life changes - but one thing that will never change is my deep & enduring love for you. I know dear Lola feels lost without you & hates being left alone in the flat. Normally, I always get a cat sitter to look in on her if Ray & I are going to be out for long. But last weekend, I went over to see Julie, without arranging for the cat sitter to come in as I didn't mean to be more than a couple of hours (Ray was out at football). But, when I got there I lost track of time & it was 5.pm before I left (I had left the flat at 2.pm). When I got back home, Lola was waiting for me at the door, looking stressed. I remember, darling, when you were with us, & Ray & I both went out, the 2 of you would be waiting by the door for us like 2 little sentinels, when we got back. When I saw Lola, standing there all alone, tears filled my eyes. When I gave her dinner, she vomited it all up in the bedroom & I felt so guilty. She isn't used to being left for a long time & I will never do it again - it is not fair to her. I know she misses you sorely.
On July 5th, we went down to the Garden of Remembrance to see the beautiful plaque, in memory of you & Madonna. It was a really glorious, hot summer day & the sun lit up the gardens with a warm, sunny glow. I had brought 2 roses down with me - a red one for Madonna & a pure, white one for you, precious, as it reminded me of your lovely, snowy, white fur. When we reached your plaque, I gently placed the 2 roses under it, standing up on the soil like 2 guardians, while the soft summer breeze caressed them gently. It was very peaceful & beautiful there in the garden. I thought of you with so much love & longing & if I closed my eyes, I could almost see your beloved little face & hear your gentle purr. God bless you, my sweet Angel & keep you safe always. Till we meet in Heaven Mum xxx

Added by Francesca Mum on 31/07/2017

My darling, sweet Loula - today is July 2nd, 3 days after your anniversary on June 29th, when we remembered you & Madonna & celebrated your lives in a very special way. It was strange - a couple of days ago early in the morning, Ray & I were looking out of the window when we saw standing in the road outside, a pure white pigeon with grey markings on its back. As I watched, it spread out its wings & flew gracefully up, up into the hazy, blue skies with the early morning sunshine glinting on it's snowy white wings. It made me think of you, darling - where, oh where are you now? Sweetness, I have bought a corner display unit with glass shelves, on which to display all your mementos & photographs, & Ray put it together, ready for your anniversary. On the 29th June, darling, I said special prayers for you & Madonna & lit a scented candle - & Lola left one of her toys in front of the display unit - I'm sure she knows.Then Julie came round bearing special, special gifts in your memory & Madonna's: there were cards for each of you with your photographs & the most beautiful words. Yours reads: MEMORIES OF MY DARLING LOULAMAY on the front & inside it says: 'Our hearts still ache in sadness And secret tears still flow, What it meant to lose you, No. -one will ever know' & also ' 'When the cat you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure' - that is so true,dearest love, my memories of you have become my greatest treasures. She also brought a collage of photos of you & Madonna as kittens & then as cats with little heart-shaped photos of your dear faces.. It is hanging on the wall, by your stand. Then she gave me a card she had made with pink beading round the edges & the words that are inscribed on your beautiful plaque in the P,D.S.A garden of Remembrance & lastly, but not least a proper memory box for both of you with your names in pink letters. My dear poppet, you may never feel the sun shining down on you during the day, or see the moon & stars glowing in the night, but, my sweet, you are in everlasting Light & you must always remember how very much we all loved you, & still love & remember you now. Mysti, who used to play with you years ago, came round with Va & May sent me a text saying she would say a prayer for you & light a candle - we were all thinking of you with love. God Bless you, sweet angel. Till we meet in Heaven. Mum xxx

Added by Francesca Mum on 02/07/2017

My darling, sweet Precious White Pearl - it is the beginning of June now - you left us on June 29th last year. Darling, words cannot express the deep sense of loss & devastation I have felt since then. Little did I know at the start of June 2016 that by the end of the month my life would be changed forever & my heart would have been shattered into tiny pieces. Dear one, I love & miss you so very much - if only I could have just one moment in time, when I could feel your beloved, soft little body in my arms once more, when I could kiss your sweet furry head & gaze into your soulful, green eyes. But that is not to be.This past year without you has seemed like a lifetime & the life we shared feels like only yesterday - yet it was a year ago. I know that dear Lola misses you terribly still - often she will wander around the flat as if she is looking for something that she will never find & she will gaze at me with eyes that are so like yours. The other morning, I was getting her breakfast when she jumped up on the worktop & started licking the microwave tray to see if there was any food on it . She has never done that before, but you used to do it every morning - how you loved your food, precious! The memory brought a lump to my throat & tears to my eyes - I felt a sudden ache in my heart. The memories of you, darling little girl, will be with me always & will live as long as I do - never a day passes when I don't think longingly of you & wish you all the love in the world. The flowering season for Forget-me-nots is over now & we have pruned your window box, sweetheart. There is rather a lovely little story about Forget-me-nots in either Greek or Roman mythology: a young man was gathering flowers for his sweetheart one day on a river bank, when he slipped & fell in. As he was drowning in the river, he called out 'forget me not'. So these gorgeous little flowers were called Forget-me-nots - we will never forget you, my darling.Your memory, my sweet, is being kept alive - last week I received copies of the PDSA's 'Companions' & in it is a lovely photograph of you with a little extract from one of the letters that I have written to you on your tribute page on the PDSA website. So a year after I lost you,I feel your memory is more alive than ever & that a little part of you is living on, reaching out to people & touching them. On June 29th, Ray & I will be going with Julie down to the Garden of Remembrance to place flowers by your beautiful plaque & to remember you & Madonna. Last night, poppet, I was standing by the bedroom window - as I opened the sash window, the gentle summer breeze caressed my face & I blew a little kiss towards the starlit, night sky, praying that it would reach you. I love you so, Darling. God bless you,my sweet angel baby. Till we meet in Heaven. Mum xxx

Added by Francesca Mum on 11/06/2017

My beloved, sweet Loula - it is the middle of May now - getting nearer & nearer to the first anniversary of your passing. Darling girl, words cannot express how empty my life has been during the past year, without you. When you were here, each day was a joy - I remember how you used to wake me up in the morning, nuzzling me as I lay in bed, or tapping my cheek with your paw. I would get up & get your breakfast, & even though I would have to do the housework & go to work, my heart would be filled with happiness & anticipation. Now, I just feel sad & empty, as I face the day. Many small things remind me so much of you, my sweet - last week, when I collected a bag of dry food for Lola from the vet, I remember how you used to mew at me as soon as I brought the food into the flat - you would follow me into the kitchen & look pleadingly at me with your beautiful eyes, as I opened the bag & put the biscuits into your food jars. When you turned your green eyes on me, I was smitten - I felt as if the rest of the world was sliding away & I would do anything you wanted, including giving you food! As I was filling up the jars with biscuits , if I spilled some on the floor you would hoover them up eagerly! Last week, my Precious, I could almost visualise this & I just sat on the kitchen floor & cried - I missed you so. Julie & I were talking about you the other day, & she was saying that you were so unique, with your pure white fur & tortoiseshell markings! I remember too, so vividly, the time that you caught the mouse in our living room - it was in May 2016, a month before you left us - almost 1 year ago. One day I had just arrived home & Ray said you were rushing around with something in your mouth. I went to investigate & caught you eventually & made you drop what you had held in your mouth - it was a mouse & it was alive! I think Ray took it & left it outside - I didn't want to kill it & I didn't know how badly it was hurt. We had never seen a mouse in the flat before. I was amazed that you had recovered so well from your operation in April, that you could run around catching mice! I really believed then, that you would make a full recovery & that all the medication was beating your F.G.S.F. Now I just sit sadly in the living room gazing at your empty bed & your little shrine in the corner of the room where you passed away, as the raindrops fall against the windowpane outside, like the tears that are running down my face . God Bless you, my sweet angel baby. Until we meet in Heaven Mum XXX

Added by Francesca Mum on 18/05/2017

My precious, darling Loula - last Wednesday we went to the PDSA Garden of Remembrance, where your plaque is & it was a wonderful experience. It was a lovely spring day & as we turned off Woodford Bridge Road into the road that leads to the PDSA hospital & Garden of Remembrance, I noticed all the the gorgeous cherry tree blossoms that had fallen from the trees forming a soft, pink blanket on the pavement, either side of us. When we reached the garden & saw the plaque in memory of you & Madonna, I felt a lump in my throat & tears welling up in my eyes - it was so very special & all the love I feel for you rushed up inside of me & I was overwhelmed. It was was extremely beautiful & peaceful in the little garden and the sun with its bright beaming rays was shining down on your plaque, making it sparkle in the morning sunshine. Darling, I felt your presence there very strongly & I was strangely comforted. Then Ray & I took out our phones to take photos of it to send to Nellie at the PDSA. Afterwards, we went across to the pillars & found the tags in your memory - Madonna's was on pillar 'A' & yours was on pillar ' C'. I knelt down & gently kissed each one & said a little prayer for each of you, my precious. Then, overcome with emotion & memories of you both, I went to sit in the little enclosed garden next to the Garden of Remembrance. I sat quietly, gazing up at the blue skies, which were clear, with only a scattering of white clouds drifting gently to & fro - I wondered where you were & whether you were happy & at peace. I sat on the bench, breathing in the delicately scented air & thought about your wonderful little lives, & also about your cat mother, Baby - there is a sad story attached to her. Last year, she just disappeared from Teresa's garden one day & didn't come back, although Teresa & the children searched everywhere. They assumed that something had happened to her, but personally I thought that, as she was an outdoors cat who was streetwise, it was more likely that she had wandered off or been injured & had been found & taken to an animal hospital in the area, & had then been rehomed. She wasn't chipped & didn't have a collar or disc. I just hope that she is still alive & happy - she was such a good mother & a sweet, gentle cat. Before we left, we looked around the animal cemetery & saw the graves of long departed animals, many of whom had done brave things in the war. Before leaving, we went back into the little Garden of Remembrance & I gently blew a loving kiss to your plaque. I know we will go back - I felt very peaceful & I could sense your presence so strongly, as if you were indeed there, my sweet angel. God bless, darling. Till we meet in Heaven. Mum xxx

Added by Francesca Mum on 23/04/2017

My dearest, sweet Loula. - on Wednesday April 12th the window-box, in memory of you & Madonna was delivered & set up. The Forget-me-nots planted in it, darling, are so beautiful,like you. While it was being installed outside the bedroom window,where you loved lying in the sun, Saroj (the young lady who made the box) went into the living room. She was looking at all your photos that are by your little shrine. We were all talking about you & Saroj was saying that she had a cat called Whisker who died in September, just after her brother's cat Monkey died. She also said that the loss of a much loved pet leaves such a big hole in one's life. It is so sad that cats only live such a relatively short time.When the window-box had been installed & we had gone back into the bedroom, I could feel your presence so strongly, dear one. I could feel your soul reaching out through the timeless mists that separate this world from the next. I know now that we will never say Goodbye - you will always be with me, wherever I go & I will always have my memories of you. The night after you passed, darling, I had this dream: in it we were wheeling your carrier back home from the vets & you were in it. I have always wondered what the meaning of that dream could have been, as you were to leave us a few hours later. But now I think I know - sweet Loula, you will never leave me, as I hold you forever in my heart. You & Lola are still my whole world, although you, my petal, are no longer on this earth. As I gazed lovingly at the window-box after Saroj had gone, I shed a little tear for you & memories of you came flooding into my mind: how often at night, when I was in bed, you would lie on my stomach & stretch out your paws towards my face. Then you would crawl up & press your darling furry face to mine & when you wanted me to get up, you would tap my chin gently with your paw. At other times, you would cuddle up to me & sleep on your back, with your wee paws curled around your face. I used to call you 'my little ballerina', as you had a habit of stretching out your body & extending your back leg behind you, like a dancer doing an elegant arabesque. You also had a habit of wiggling your hips before you jumped or ran! Lola did that too. I have written in your diary for 2006, that someone had told me that I should treat every day as a gift from God & treasure every minute. I am so glad now, that I kept your diaries detailing your lives, although I had no idea then, that time would run out so soon..God Bless, sweet angel, I will always love you. Till we meet in Heaven. Mum xxx

Added by Francesca Mum on 16/04/2017

My dearest, darling Loula - it is nearly 8 months since you left us & I am missing you more than ever, my sweet. My love for you just seems to grow day by day - when I think I love you so much that I can't love you anymore. the following day my love has grown. But I heard it said that it is not how long life is that matters, it is how good it is. And that is true of your life, my darling - those days that you were with us couldn't have been happier - they were golden days. I hope they were as happy for you as they were for me, angel. I remember there was never a dull moment when you & Lola were kittens in 2005! Dear Lola - I am sure she misses you desperately. Often, when I get up in the mornings I will find her lying by your memory box in the living room, surrounded by the photos of you - I know she is thinking of you. You 2 used to get up to so many tricks - I remember when you played with a carrier bag once & got the handle round your neck - you had to be rescued; & then when the 2 of you went paddling in the bath before getting into the litter bucket - & you ran all over the living room carpet with wet paws covered in litter - I spent hours hoovering! I mustn't forget the tea bag incident - that was hilarious! I had left a teabag out in the kitchen one morning - you & Lola took it into the living room & played about with it until it burst! I spent hours trying to get loose tea out of the carpet! My angel, the plaque in memory of you & Madonna is in place in the PDSA tribute garden, As soon as the weather gets warmer, Ray & I will go down to see it - I am sure it looks wonderful - it will be there in memory of you both long after we are all gone. The PDSA garden of remembrance is lovely & I think it was a lovely idea to have much loved pets remembered in this way - it has brought me much comfort. Also I am getting a window box for the bedroom window in memory of you & Madonna - it will be planted with beautiful forget-me-nots (the PDSA sent me the seeds when you left us) & wild ferns & there will also be a flower display for this year. I will be able to gaze at the lovely little blue flowers & when the sun comes out, for a split second in time, I will feel as if I have captured your beautiful little soul. You both loved the sun so very much & I will momentarily be transported into the past - the warm sunshine always makes me feel close to you. Why, oh why did you have to leave, my precious white pearl? I loved so very, very dearly & I still do. God bless you, my sweet angel. Till we meet in Heaven Mum xxx

Added by Francesca mum on 19/03/2017

My dearest, sweet Loula - never a day passes when I don't think of you & long to hold you in my arms. Every night I say a little prayer for you & Madonna - a friend of mine said she is sure you are with me in spirit then - I do hope you are, my dearest love. I remember , on February 13th 2005, Ray & I took you & Lola down to Teresa's to see your brother & your mother, Baby. I was hoping for a grand, happy family reunion - how wrong I was! Just before the taxi arrived to take us there, you were both playing on the rubbish bin with the swing top & Lola fell in! That was bound to happen at some point, as you were always both playing on that bin! Well, as soon as we arrived at Teresa's & I had taken your carrier into the house, you both refused to come out. Baby & Cookie stood looking at you suspiciously & hissing. When you both eventually emerged from the carrier, Baby hissed again & then ran upstairs. You & Lola ran into the kitchen & hid behind the washing machine! Baby didn't seem to have recognised either of you & neither had Cookie. I was surprised, as it had only been 7 weeks that you had been gone & neither of you seemed to be at all happy to be back in Teresa's house, although it was far bigger than our flat & it had a garden. So Teresa pulled out the washing machine to get you both out & into the carrier for us to go home. I think, at one point, Lola & Cookie had touched noses, but then Lola hissed! You were both so glad to get home - the two of you went straight to your food bowls & then started playing together & you tried to jump on the wardrobe in the bedroom! You, my love, just about made it & then promptly fell off it, down the back! I heard clawing & scratching & you emerged at the side of the wardrobe & then jumped on the chest of drawers by the window, purring loudly. For the 2 of you, home really was my flat now! They say 'home is where the heart is'. On February 21st 2005, it started snowing in the evening - you had never seen snow before & I carried you, then Lola, over to the window in the living room, so you could see. I will always remember both of you gazing out of the window in sheer wonderment, as the dancing, white snowflakes fluttered gracefully down from the murky skies, like tiny dancers. 2005 was the happiest year of my life, dear one. I will always love you, my Precious White Pearl - God Bless you, my angel. Till we meet in Heaven. Mum xxx

Added by Francesca mum on 26/02/2017

My sweet, dearest Loula - dear one, you are never, ever far from my thoughts - I am always reminiscing about those 11 wonderful years that you were with us, & I wish more than anything that you were still here - I long for you so. Last weekend I saw Mysti, (Julie's daughter) the playmate you had when you & Lola were kittens. Only she is not 'little' Mysti anymore - she is 18 now & all grown-up. Ray & I went round to Julie's house for Mysti's 18th birthday & dear one, everyone talked about you, & Julie was saying what a sweet, lovely cat you were. In the evening we were all in the kitchen, when Ray & I stepped outside, into the garden to have a cigarette. It was a cloudy, gloomy night & it had just been raining. We couldn't see the moon or stars , as it was so cloudy, but there was one solitary, bright star shining down on us, & it cast a soft , silvery glow all around it in the dark skies above. At once I thought of you, my dearest, & I whispered a silent prayer for you - at the same time, Julie, who was in the kitchen, said your name 'Loulamay' - it was as if she could read my mind. Then one of the clouds scudded across the bright star & blocked it from view & the moment passed, my sweet. Julie has a ginger cat (Twixi) & he reminded me of Marmalade, the ginger cat who lived in our road in 2005, when you were kittens. Before you came, I had been letting him into the flat as he looked so lonely. Well , when you were still tiny kittens, I brought him in & Goodness, you weren't happy! He went straight across to your food bowls & started eating! You both stood motionlesss, with your backs arched & your fur standing on end! You were most put out! So I took him out of the flat & never brought him in again! I had made a mistake! You were very territorial, even then. I remember so vividly all the little tricks you & Lola got up to in those days! Paddling in the washing up bowl, hiding in the duvets & even in the clothes in the washing machine (when the cycle had finished). You, my sweet Loula, never liked being in a room alone - in the evenings, when Lola had gone into the bedrooom with Ray, & I went to have a bath, you would often stand outside the bathroom door mewing until I got out of the bath & opened the door! I will always love & miss you, darling. God Bless, my Precious White Pearl. Until we meet in Heaven. Mum xxx

Added by Francesca mum on 05/02/2017

My sweet, darling Loula - I haven't written for a few weeks now - but darling you are always in my thoughts & in my heart. I love & miss you so. Back in January 2005 you & Lola settled into my flat & your little personalities soon developed - Lola was the more independent one & you had a certain vulnerability (like Madonna), which touched my heart. You two were a handful - there was never a dull moment. If you weren't play fighting, you were jumping about on the bed, finding new places to hide or climbing up my leg when I was on the computer - once you were on my knee, you would jump on the keyboard & strange shapes came up on the screen! I've put in my diary 'They are such a joy - it is ages since Life was so good' On Thursday Jan 6th 2005, I took you to the vets for your first vaccinations. Mr Gordon, the vet pronounced you were both healthy & he gave you both your vaccinations - you, my love were definately a girl! You were both fine over the next few days. But on the Sunday you, dearest, kept mewing to me as if you were trying to tell me something. On the Monday, when I went to work, there was no sign of either of you, which was unusual - you were usually playing on the bed. So I went to work worrying & I was so worried that I left work early, saying I was ill. On reaching home, when I opened the flat door, there was silence - I rushed into the bedroom & you came out from the drawer under the bed & went to the litter tray. When you came out, I touched your little tortoiseshell tail & whispered 'Loula, please show me where Lola is'. You looked at me & nipped back into the drawer under the bed. I tore off the mattress & duvet & found little Lola lying in the drawer, listless & lethargic. I rushed her to the vet & Ray met me there. Mr Gordon said she had a high temperature & an infection that was contagious. Lola had an injection & some tablets. I slept out in the living room with both of you - I was worried that you might catch it, but you didn't. I took you both to the vets the next day & Lola's temperature had gone down - I was convinced you saved her life that day by alerting me. You were both soon back to normal - rushing round the room all night, (I was still sleeping in the living room) pulling the duvet off me & scattering all the clothes on the clothes horse over the floor! I love you to bits my Precious White Pearl. God Bless, my sweet Loula. Till we meet in Heaven. Mum xxx

Added by Francesca mum on 15/01/2017

My sweetbeloved Loula, today my darling is Xmas Day 2016 & my heart is breaking because you are no longer with us - tears are coursing down my face. You & Lola were, & always will be , my whole world & I know that now you have gone. I will always feel a deep sense of hurt & loss. Dearest, you gave me so very much: when you & Lola came to me at Xmas 2004, you made me feel that it was good to be alive - that Xmas was the happiest day of my life & the memory of it will never leave me. You gave me the greatest gift of all - the exquisite joy & wonder of loving you. You transformed my life & lit up my world. Throughout your life, I was always kissing & cuddling you, almost as if I knew that our time together would be limited. We are all thinking of you & praying for you, my Precious White Pearl - my love for you will never die. On this Xmas Day 2016, I wish you peace, joy & everlasting love, that will envelope you & keep you safe always. You are forever in my heart - God Bless you, my Precious White Pearl. Till we meet in Heaven. Mumxxxx

Added by Francesca Mum on 25/12/2016

My dearest beloved girl - the other day I found the big, red ' Santa Claws ' sock that I used to hang up for the 2 of you on Xmas Eve - it was hanging on the kitchen door & it had some of your toys in it. I just sat on the floor & burst into tears, as memories of all our happy Xmases came flooding back. Dear Heart - I am just going to miss you so much. Then I gently folded it up & put it in your memory box. So back in 2004. on Dec 23rd you would both be coming back to your new home at my flat! I was so thrilled. I went round to Teresa's house the night before, after work. I will never forget - I found her sitting in the kitchen with you on her knee, putting the little collar & disc on you that I had bought. - yours was green & Lola's was pink - Lola already had hers on. But the discs on the 2 collars looked far too big & heavy - they dragged on the floor! So we removed the discs - I must have bought the wrong size! You both looked so sweet in the collars & neither of you seemed uncomfortable in them -I thought it important that you got used to them when you were still very young. I was handling you both by then & I remember kissing & cuddling you both little darlings as you lay curled up, looking so contented on the settee! I hoped Baby wouldn't miss you too much when I took you the following day. So Thursday Dec. 23rd eventually dawned. Julie & I collected you & Lola after work - Julie had her car with her & drove us back to our flat. That evening was really emotional. I'll never forget Teresa standing at her front door, crying & Baby looking bewildered, as we left. Julie got into the driver's seat & Ray & I got into the back seat with you 2 little ones in the pet carrier. As we drove the short distance home through the silver lit streets of London, ( the skies were dark by then ) I clutched our precious load, while the lights on the Xmas trees in the windows of the houses we passed twinkled merrily. It really felt like it was going to be the best Xmas ever! God Bless You, my sweet, darling Precious White Pearl - you are forever in my heart. Till we meet in Heaven. Mum xxxxxx

Added by Francesca mum on 18/12/2016

My beloved, sweet girl, my Precious White Pearl - as it gets nearer & nearer to Xmas, I am getting steadily more nostalgic & reading & re-reading all my diaries, attempting to re-live the past. At the moment Lola is sitting on the settee by me & she is nuzzling the notebook I am writing in - I'm sure she knows I am writing about you. The pain of remembering is almost unbearable - yesterday Lola was looking out of the bedroom window at a pigeon perched on one of the horizontal water pipes the other side of the window - her teeth were chattering with excitement! I closed my eyes & I could see in my mind's eye, the 2 of you there, looking through that window at the cheeky pigeon, both of you with your teeth chattering in anticipation & eagerness. Oh my Darling, darling Loula. It hurts so much to know you are no longer on this earth. During the first few weeks of December 2004, you grew so fast, it was unbelievable! By December 17th, you were all running around Teresa's house, exploring. She had a 2 storey house ,& the previous week Teresa had moved your box from her bedroom to under the stairs - & you also had a litter tray that you used! Except for once - I remember Teresa telling me that you, Loula dearest, had done a little wee in one of Richard's shoes! You were still having Baby's milk & you weren't eating yet. I have written that you & Lola were the friendliest & most outgoing. There was quite a lot going on in Teresa's house - there were her 2 kids & their friends, & then Baby with the 4 of you little ones. You were so tiny that everyone had to be very careful when they sat on the settees, in case you were hiding away under one of the cushions. I was taking reels of photos of all of you. Then on December 21st 2004, I got a phone call at work that would change my whole life forever! Teresa phoned me to ask if it would be alright if you & Lola came to me before Xmas - on December 23rd ! I was over the moon & so thrilled & excited that I don't think I did any more work that day! I had 1 day & I needed to buy more kitten food - you had started having Whiskas kitten food & ordinary cow's milk warmed at Teresa's & I wanted to give you the same to start with. It really was going to be a Xmas that dreams are made of! I was so excited that night, I couldn't sleep - it was such a wonderful world! I remember lighting Madonna's candle & wondering what the future held in store.
My precious, White Pearl, I love & adore you so, always. God Bless dearest. Till we meet in Heaven. Mum xxxxxxxxx

Added by Francesca Mum on 11/12/2016

Darling, beloved Loula - I miss you more than ever now, at this time leading up to Xmas. Dear one - you should be here - you so loved Xmas, jumping on all the paper & tearing at the wrapped presents. I miss you so terribly that I am wrapping presents as quickly as possible, so I don't have time to think. By the end of that first week in December 2004, you were all walking around the room. Baby's nipple had healed alright & she followed you all around the room & fed you wherever you were - she really was a marvellous mother & had such a sweet nature, which you all inherited from her. You all seemed happy & played a lot together - you loved crawling under the wardrobe & hiding. Lola kept coming over to me & sniffing, but you were very shy of me at first, hanging back. I have written in my diary "These moments are so very precious & can never be recaptured". Again, that was so prophetic. I had also written " if they know me now, it won't be so upsetting for Baby or them, when I take them in January" I was busy buying things for you that you would need when you came to me - little plates & bowls - 2 of everything! Except there was one litter tray, that you would share. I remember going to Sainsbury's at 7.00 am, before work & buying loads of different brands of kitten food! They had, & still have a very large selection. Then I used to carry all this food to work, & then home at the end of the day. The other day, someone said to me that you live on in Lola - I do believe that. Darling, I can feel your presence everywhere, all the time - I can't reach you & I can't make sense of it. Sometimes I look into Lola's eyes & it is like looking into your eyes - eyes that seem as if they held a thousand secrets & mysteries - except yours were a lovely sea green & Lola's are a lovely deep golden green. I keep a photo of you looking directly into the camera in my bag - so I can look at it when I feel especially sad & I lose myself in that beautiful, mysterious greenness of your eyes, my beloved. The other day, I found paw prints on the black, wooden floor by your Memory box & photographs - Lola must have gone right up to your photo, darling, & maybe rubbed against it. I do believe that all, or part of your soul lives on in dear Lola. I love you so & miss you my sweet, Precious, White Pearl. I will never get over losing you. God Bless, Darling. Till we meet in Heaven. Mum xxxxxx

Added by Francesca mum on 03/12/2016

My sweet darling girl - as always I am thinking of you with great love in my heart. I have been reading my diaries of your very early days again & again & I have been reliving all the joy that I felt. I have never told you what happened when you were conceived, have I? Teresa told me some weeks before you were born & we fell about laughing. Teresa was looking through one of the upstairs windows overlooking the close that her house was in & she saw a big, white, fluffy cat approaching Baby. Baby was sniffing round & seemed interested in him too. Teresa, who was very protective of Baby who was only 2, dashed downstairs to the kitchen, grabbed the broom & flew out of the front door with it. She called Baby frantically, at the same time as trying to frighten off the white cat by waving the broom at him! Baby looked at Teresa cheekily before running off with the white cat! That must have been sometime in September, as a cat's pregnancy lasts from 63-67 days & sometimes it can be as long as 72 days - it can vary. I am so glad that Baby did run off with the white cat - if she hadn't, you wouldn't have existed & I would have missed out on all that happiness. So, on November 22nd you were born - Teresa kept Baby in the house after that & we never did see anything more of your Dad! Well I never saw him at all - Teresa told me this lovely story. I think that you were destined to be, darling, & Lola & your brothers. Teresa adored you all - she kept one of your brothers & called him Cookie, & the other one went to one of Richard's ( her son ) friends he was called TC. By the end of November 2004, I was seeing you quite regularly, as Teresa told me I could come round to see you whenever I liked, which was sweet of her. But I never handled any of you for the first few weeks, as it might have upset Baby! But I started to make plans for when you were to come to me in January. You were so small that I decided to give you Madonna's bed when you came - the 2 of you could both fit into it easily! Mind you, I was quite upset when I took the bed to the laundrette to get it washed for you, as I always thought of it as Madonna's. But I didn't think she would have minded & there was no room to store it in the flat unused & you would need it. That night I lit a candle in Madonna's memory - I still missed her so much. In one of my diary entries I have written this about you, & I quote " I love them both so much ( you & Lola ). I never dreamed that Life could be this good ! I must appreciate every minute of it - one day I might want to remember these happy times! " They were prophetic words. My dearest, sweet Loula, I love you so very much. God Bless, babes. Till we meet in Heavenxxxxxxxx Mum

Added by Francesca mum on 26/11/2016

My sweet, precious Loula - last night I had a dream & I think you were in it, but I can't remember properly now. Anyway, when I woke, I felt strangely comforted. Every time May my friend used to meet me, she always used to ask me how 'my girls' were (you & Lola). Everyone I knew was aware of how much you meant to me & how I always referred to you as ' my girls '. I have been reading through the diary of those early days that I kept & apparently, when Julie, Ray & I went round to Teresa's, when you were only a few days old, Julie was sure you were a boy!! I had forgotten that! Anyway I chose you & Lola then & there & named you both after the real Madonna's children - Lourdes (Lola) & Rocco (you). I was grieving a lot, you know, for my cat Madonna who died on June 15th, in the same year as you were born. I always thought of both of you as her legacy of love & it felt as if part of Madonna's spirit had come back in you. Although Lola, being tortoiseshell, was more like her physically, you were very like her in character. I was never quite sure of your sex until I took you to the vets in January 2005. Then I called you Loulamay after Audrey Hepburns character Holly Golightly's alter ego in 'Breakfast At Tiffany's', then I shortened it to Loula & I only found out a few months ago that Loula is the Arabic for Precious White Pearl. So until then you were called either Rocco or Louise. But, in the end I named you very aptly. In those early days, Lola was the pushy one, making sure she got her feed from Baby first! Baby was a sweet cat & a very good mother to you all. When Baby cleaned you each, she put a paw on the neck of the one she was cleaning, to make you hold still! I took loads of photos of you all! But I don't think Baby liked the camera, as she closed her eyes every time the flash went off. After we visited that first time, Baby must have felt threatened by the noise (there were Teresa, Julie, Ray, Myself & Teresa's 2 kids) as when we went the next time, she had moved herself & you 4 kittens from the box to the bottom of the wardrobe. But you all seemed fine & very lively, but poor Baby wasn't - her nipple had been bitten off - Teresa was terribly worried & phoned the vet, she also put towels in the gap under the wardrobe, so you 4 little kittens couldn't get underneath & get stuck! I remember Teresa took you & Lola out of the wardrobe & put you on the floor so that I could take more photos of you to show to people at work! They were golden days - there would be so much to do to get everything ready for you to come home with me in January 2005 There was so much to look forward to! After the second visit, I remember running home from Teresa's, hugging myself with joy & excitement along the icy cold, dark streets of London - when I looked up at the night sky, even the stars seemed to be twinkling more brightly than usual. Darling, sweet Loula - may God Bless you, my sweet Angel Babes. Until we meet in Heaven. Mum xxxxx

Added by Francesca Mum on 22/11/2016

My dearest Loula,

You were a stunning and adorable kitty. Your mummy loved you so very much and every time we meet or speak we talk of you. I don't think there is a cat in the world that could have been loved more.

The sadness that you were so young when you departed has left your mummy hurting but her love for you goes on as is evident in these pages. She misses you every day and I hope you can look down on her and your sister to give them comfort.

Keep a spot on the sofa warm for her in heaven but keep it for a good few years yet.

Loads of love,

May

xxx

Added by May on 13/11/2016

My dearest, darling Loula - on Monday November 14th it would have been your 12th birthday. I am thinking of you all the time - loving & missing you. Oh darling I hope that you are somewhere where you can hear my words. I wish you peace, joy, & happiness, but most of all I wish you love, on this your special day. I remember so vividly when you & Lola were born. It was a Monday in 2004 when I was off work, when my friend, Julie phoned me at home to tell me that her friend, Teresa's cat, Baby, had had four kittens on the Sunday. You & Lola were two of them & you had two brothers. I first saw you all a few days later. When Ray & I went round to Teresa's with Julie, all 4 of you were suckling with Baby, your mother - you were all on a blanket in a box in Teresa's bedroom - you were all so, so tiny & you hadn't even opened your eyes! I have an album full of photos of you all in you first few weeks of life. Teresa told me that I could have any 2 of you from the litter & I chose you & Lola as you seemed to bond together so closely - a bond that was to last for the rest of your life. Also I had fallen completely in love with the both of you - I went round to visit you at Teresa's every few days, & every time I saw you, you seemed to have grown - after a few weeks you & Lola were playing together & taking your first few steps, very tentatively . You & Lola loved climbing on top of each other! Now, I wish so much that I could turn back the clock - it was such a happy, happy time & so full of hope & promise. You both had your little lives ahead of you & I thought we would have all the time in the world. I was wrong - we only had eleven years, but they were happiest eleven years of my life & they passed in the blink of an eye, my Precious, White Pearl. I will always be grateful to Julie & Teresa - if it hadn't been for them, I would never have had you. Also, it was in the lovely Madonna's memory that I wanted to have 2 kittens - 2, so that you would always keep each other company. But the angels must have been lonely, & they decided to take you early because they were lonely - now Lola & I are lonely without you. I have bought you your birth flower - a golden Chrysanthemum made out of silk & placed it on your memory box, by your photographs & I have got Lola a little catnip squirrel. My Dear one, you will never be forgotten - there are mementos of you all over the flat & they will always be here. So, on your special day, my sweet love, I will light a candle for you & dream about the happiness that we had. God Bless . my dearest Angel Baby, my Precious White Pearl on this, your special day - I will always miss you - Till we meet in Heaven, Mum xxxxxxxxxx

Added by Francesca Mum on 12/11/2016

My sweet, beloved Loula - I have been paying tribute to you & celebrating your wonderful little life in the form of a series of love letters, which are for your birthday on November 14th, when you would have been twelve. I want people to know what a perfectly lovely little soul you were - you were such a beautiful, fluffy girl & you had such a big personality - you seemed to light up from within & spread love & happiness all around you. Thank you, darling, for all that you gave me - I feel blessed that you were part of my life for those wonderful eleven years. Nothing is the same without you. I want to pay tribute as well, to the indomitable courage that you showed in the last months of your life. That courage you displayed was a shining example to others - both human & feline alike. All those tests, biopsies, the operation & subsequently all the medication were so distressing for you; I could tell by your little face & my heart bled for you. But you never let anything get you down for long. I'm so sorry that things had to end so tragically - I love you more than anything on earth & I will never forget you or what you went through. Your little cat bed is still by Lola's, in the big bay window & your memory box is where you died, surrounded by candles & photographs of you. All your small things & Madonna's are in the box & you & Madonna both have Tags in the PDSA Tribute garden. Both your little caskets with your ashes are in a safety deposit box, as I have put in my will that I want both of you to be buried with me. I also ardently wish to raise awareness of F.G.E.S.F, in the hope that as medical science advances, more will be discovered about this disease & a way of diagnosing it in its early stages will be found, so that it might be prevented from developing. F.G.E.S.F. may be rare, but it is deadly & once it has developed it spreads so quickly, like a cancer. It was not until April that it was diagnosed, after your operation & by the end of June you were dead. You did so well until June & then it got worse, so suddenly. The Fates were cruel to us - you & Lola were my whole world & I had hoped that we would grow old together - but it was not to be. I wear a small, heart-shaped locket around my neck, with your name on it, & in it is a small piece of your fur, my precious. When I collected your ashes from the vets, a nurse said she thought you were just holding on, that last day you were in the hospital, until you could come home & die there. Oh my poor, sweet darling. In September I went to the vets to collect some food for dear Lola & the receptionist, Bev & I were talking about you & also she was telling me about her dog. It had been raining when I arrived, but when I turned to leave, the rain had stopped & the sun had come out. I remarked on it & Bev smiled at me & said "She knows we have been talking about her & she is smiling down on you" I think that that is a lovely thing to say. So when I am feeling sad & lonely, I will look to see if I can see a ray of sunshine in the clouds. If I can I will smile gently & whisper, as if to myself, "Hello, my Precious White Pearl. Have you come to see me?" Time will never diminish my love for you, or dim my memories of you. I will always adore my sweet, shy, mischievous, loving & irreplaceable Precious White Pearl. Darling Loula, I love you so, so much. God Bless, my Angel Baby. Till we meet in Heaven, Mum xxxxxxxx

Added by Francesca Mum on 05/11/2016

My dearest Precious White Pearl - my heart was breaking & I saw everything on that final night through a mist of tears & disbelief. We had all fought so very hard for your life & I could not believe you would die.. You had been doing so well until the beginning of June. When we arrived home I tried in vain to tempt you to eat. Your breathing was laboured & you were so weak you collapsed in the litter tray, when I carried you there. So I made you up a little bed with duvets on the floor beside me, as you struggled to get off the couch when I put you there & I was afraid you would fall off. At some point late in the evening Ray & Lola went into the bedroom - I must have nodded off then through sheer exhaustion & the emotion of the day. I will never forgive myself for missing one of the last hours of your precious life. When I awoke, you had moved off the little bed I had made for you on the duvet on the floor & were struggling (your poor little paw was still bandaged from when you had the drip in it at the vets) to get across the room & I rushed over to you, putting my arms around you as I tried to pull you back gently.. But suddenly Lola appeared from behind the other sofa (she must have come back into the room when I was asleep). She trotted over to you, as you struggled to reach her & gently rubbed your nose. A second later you gave a small cry & stopped breathing. I was still kneeling on the floor beside you with my arms around you. I heard the sound of loud screaming & crying, as if from a long way off - & then I realised it came from me. From then on everything seemed hazy & unreal. Ray came rushing in & I remember him asking me what time it was - it was 12.15 am on June 29th - his birthday. I remember that then we wrapped you in a towel & gently carried you through to the kitchen. I turned off the heating & I asked Ray to take Lola back into the bedroom as I didn't want her to see your poor little body. Everything then seemed blurry & dreamlike as I knelt beside you, kissing you, cradling you in my arms & talking to you & praying that you would move, my precious darling, although I knew that you were dead. I couldn't stop shaking & crying & the rest of the night passed in a haze. It must have been about 4.00 am when I felt your precious body going cold & stiff. At about 7.00am, Ray came in, leaving Lola in the bedroom. I had laid your little body, still wrapped in the towel, in a canvass bag to carry you to the vets when they opened. I will never forget taking you on your last, sad journey there. I will always remember kneeling on the floor beside you in the reception area at the vets, sobbing bitterly as I cradled your darling, lifeless head in my arms & kissed you for the last time, my sweet babes. Then I turned & stumbled through the door, clutching Ray's arm, tears pouring down my face. As we walked up the road, I looked up through my tears at the cloudy skies & I thought I felt something very soft brush fleetingly against my cheek. It must be the Happiness Butterfly, I thought, winging its way away from us to some lucky person. Did I really feel it, or was it just a figment of my imagination?........Angel Baby, my Precious White Pearl, God Bless - you are forever in my heart. Till we meet in Heaven. Mum xxxxxxxxxxxx

Added by Francesca Mum on 01/11/2016

Dearest, darling Loula - you were always an absolute joy, giving me unconditional love & trust & it was agony for me to see you getting sick. In January 2016 you were vomiting saliva quite frequently, so you had a scan at the end of the month. They took needle biopsies & although your lymph nodes were inflamed, the results of the biopsies showed that you were clear of cancer so you were referred to Grant, who gave you steroids & anti-sickness tablets. In March you had a follow-up scan, x-rays & more blood tests. The results of these second biopsies were inconclusive,, so Grant advised a Diagnostic operation which you had on April 5th. I was sick with worry & was emailing Grant almost every day. When you were operated on, your lymph nodes were found to be enormous & you had tissue biopsies taken. Despite my misgivings, my Precious White Pearl, the operation went well, & Lucinda, who operated on you, let you come home the same day, as she thought you would recover quicker with plenty of T.LC. I moved my bedding into the living room & slept on the couch, where I could look after you all the time & feed you small meals every few hours. When Grant saw you, he said you were doing well & your operation scar was healing nicely - you had even put on a little weight. When the biopsy results came back, there was a question about what was wrong., but in the end it was decided that you had F.G.E.S.F. (a very rare condition caused by an abnormality in the immune system) & not Lymphoma which they first thought.. So you had more medication, which was a problem for you, as you dribbled terribly, my poor Love You did well until the end of May, when you started vomiting uncontrollably. When I took you to the vets on June 11th, an appointment was made for you to see Grant urgently. When he saw you, he could feel the growths in your abdomen had got larger & your medication was increased to 8 tablets per day. Then things went downhill rapidly - I was still sleeping in the living room, where I was to sleep until the end of your life. Dear Lola would come in & groom you sometimes, licking your face & ears. I will never forget those last nights with you - I used to turn down the lights, put on classical music, & hold you close to my heart.. But towards the end of June you were eating & drinking practically nothing. We saw Grant on June 28th, & he kept you in the hospital at the surgery on a drip, as you were so dehydrated & you had more tests & x-rays. They showed your condition was now very serious - your temperature had dropped & Grant suggested you should be put to sleep. If he operated on you, he doubted you would survive the anaesthetic. So it was decided that it would be best for you to come home for one last night, so we could say 'Goodbye' properly, before returning to the surgery the following day, for you to be put to sleep. I was in floods of tears, as we drove home in a taxi for that last time. I felt as if I was in the middle of a nightmare from which I could not wake. Grant had warned me that you might not survive the night & my heart felt as if it were breaking - I gazed out of the taxi window clutching your carrier, with the tears streaming down my face, unchecked. I'll love you forever my Precious White Pearl - God Bless Angel. Till we meet in Heaven, Mum xxxxxxxxxx..

Added by Francesca Mum on 25/10/2016

My beloved, precious white Pearl - the pain in my heart is just as intense as it was when you passed away at the end of June 2016. I miss you so - you were my best friend & soulmate - I feel that a large part of me is just dead. It was Lola who was ill in 2013 - she started vomiting uncontrollably several times a day. As she had had tests & x-rays at the vets & they were all clear, she was referred to a specialist vet, Grant, who was to play such a large part in both your lives. He diagnosed Inflammatory Bowel Disease after doing further tests, which is a common disease in cats & can be controlled with the right medication (steroids). Although I panicked a great deal, she gradually recovered, with the help of medication, & now she only has the odd flare up occasionally & is not on medication now, Grant was incredibly supportive - I used to email him constantly & he always responded within a couple of hours, even at weekends. It was in 2013 too, that I first started to clean your teeth at home, as I was always nervous about the anaesthetic when you had them cleaned at the vets. You didn't like it very much at first, but over time you became really good - Ray would hold you, while I cleaned them with your little toothbrush! It was in 2015, near Xmas, that you had a really bad Excema flare-up & I noticed that you were vomiting a great deal - although you had always vomited quite a bit with fur balls , as you had such a thick, beautiful coat, So we went to the vets quite a few times for treatment for the Excema. I will never forget the little, blue Recovery collar Lucinda, the vet, put on you to stop you scratching at the Excema on your shoulder. It is in your memory box now. You also had blood tests because of the vomiting - they came back clear, although you were going off your food too, at that time. But when I gave you food other than the Obesity Control food, you ate it & your weight was stable too. I really thought you might have the same bowel condition as Lola did, because you had the same symptoms, By Xmas 2015, your Excema had gone & I spoilt you with a variety of foods. We had a quiet Xmas, & I remember cuddling you on the sofa on Xmas Day, praying that you would be OK. I had absolutely no inkling of the tragic events that would unfold in 2016 - how your precious life would end & my world would be completely shattered. God bless, my precious darling Loula - I'll always love you. Till we meet in Heaven Mum xxxxxxxxx

Added by Francesca Mum on 18/10/2016

My Beloved Loula, you know Darling, I found out the other day that 'Loula' is the Arabic for 'Precious white pearl', So I named you so well without knowing it - you are a precious white pearl, Dearest. The other morning, I was missing you more desperately than usual - I was kneeling by your memory box in the corner of the room where you left us for the last time, when I saw a few pieces of pure, white fur lying on the black floor. They must have been yours, but it seemed really weird as I had hoovered there dozens of times since June 29th 2016, when you passed. I picked them up gently & put them in my jewellery box & I felt strangely comforted. We were never parted again after the flat was decorated in 2009 & when I retired in 2012, (Ray was still working) you, Lola & I were together most of the time. It was bliss! But, of course that left me more time to concentrate on your diet, my Precious & I also took you up to the vets for even more frequent weight checks, which you hated! But you did get down to a healthy weight - 4.50 kilos I was still giving you Obesity control food, so that your weight would remain steady - & a few treats - I only wish that I had given you more, as you loved your food! You would run round the kitchen when I was preparing food in the hope that I would drop some cheese or bits that you liked ! I have photos of you on the table at dinner time, lapping away at Ray's evaporated milk which he had on his pudding - you loved it! Also Marmite. Often you would sit by me on the settee & when I had finished my marmite on toast, you would lick my plate & knife clean ! Sometimes I would buy cooked chicken from Sainsbury's & you & I would share it - I should have done that more often, as chicken was your favourite! But you were a happy cat, although you had both calmed down a lot. You still liked chasing each other through the flat & having the odd play fight ( probably because you were always trying to eat poor Lola's food). At other times, when I had just changed the duvet covers, you would both jump on the bed & curl up, making yourselves at home - you looked so contented & comfortable - you would purr away & then roll over for me to tickle your tummy! One autumn evening, I put my arms around the both of you & prayed that we would be together forever & that you would always remember how very dearly you were loved. Suddenly, the evening sun came out from behind a cloud, casting rich amber lights over your beautiful snow white coat. At that moment I felt like the luckiest person in the whole, wide world! God bless, Precious white pearl, love you always. Till we meet in Heaven Mum XXXXXXXXXX

Added by Francesca Mum on 11/10/2016

My precious Loula - words cannot express how much I love & miss that very special, sweet mischievousness that was in your nature - it seems that we have been apart for so long now, & I still cannot visualise a future without you in it. In your lifetime we were only apart once - when you & Lola went to a cattery in Andover for three weeks, when the flat was decorated in 2009. The decorators wanted us all out of the flat, as it was so small. The day before the decorating was to start, Howard (Howard & Wendy owned the cattery) came to collect you two in your carriers. My little Precious, you went on Monday & I phoned Wendy up every night that week. She told me that you were both refusing to eat, so by Friday I had decided to cancel the rest of the decorating & ask for you both to be brought home. The flat was absolute chaos with bags & decorating materials all over the floor, so goodness knows where you would go! But when I phoned Wendy on the Friday , the first thing she said to me was that you were both eating at last! I gave a great sigh of relief - the decorating went ahead, & Ray & I moved into a hotel for a few weeks. The day finally came when you were to be brought home & I couldn't wait to put my arms around you both & cuddle & kiss your little faces! I was so excited when Howard brought you back, but at first you were both a bit apprehensive - the newly decorated flat must have seemed strange at first! But when you had got used to it, you loved it, especially the new wooden floors. You both rushed up & down them, your little paws skidding on the smooth surfaces. I have photos of you both cuddled up in duvets under the radiators, as there were no sofas yet. There were still things to be done, & you were a bit shy of all the workmen tramping about - you, my Dear Loula, would run away & hide, while Lola was always so curious, sniffing around their legs to see what was going on! As it was the end of November, we started to get ready for Xmas, & how you both loved it! When I tried to wrap presents, you would both tear at the paper & the skid across the floor on it! All the wrapped presents had to be hidden in cupboards to stop you tearing off the paper. - in 2009, I had 2 cat Xmas stockings with catnip biscuits in them & you, my mischievous Loula, sniffed them out & proceeded to rip the packaging off them & eat the biscuits, making a terrible mess! Just before that Xmas in 2009, I remember cuddling the both of you as I stood at the living room window one evening. I looked out at the bright Xmas lights, twinkling away in the windows of the houses over the road., How I hoped that your futures would bright & cheerful as those lights shining in the darkness. I'll love you forever darling Lou, God Bless, Angel Baby. Till we meet in Heaven. Mum XXXXXXXX

Added by Francesca Mum on 04/10/2016

My sweet, darling Loula - the other morning I was half asleep, when I had the strange feeling that you were somewhere in the room with me - a sensation that must have lasted for a second & then I awoke fully & remembered that you were no longer with us - my heart filled with such pain & sorrow. Oh, my precious I have reached the photos in your album where you were quite a bit fatter & as the years passed, you put on more & more weight! You just loved your food, ate Lola's food, & even tried to break into the food cupboard! You used to wake me in the morning by tapping my nose gently with your paw so I would get your breakfast. I loved you to bits, whatever your weight but the vet was not pleased - he explained that being overweight would damage your health. And so you had Diet foods on & off for the rest of your precious life. I only wish I had given you more treats, but I was not to know that you would die at a relatively young age of a disease that was not connected with weight. I took you to the vets regularly for checks & how you hated it! I remember once Teresa came round to take you to the vets with me & you were sitting up on one of the high kitchen cabinets where I could not reach. You must have known! So Teresa & I decided to take a walk around the block, in the hopes that you would think we had given up & come down, so we could get you! But 1/2 an hour later, we came back & as we looked up at the kitchen window, there you were, looking smugly through it - we raced up to the flat , only to find you had jumped back onto the kitchen cabinet - Teresa & I fell about laughing & I swear there was a smirk on your darling little face. Crafty! But how I miss all the fun & laughter you brought into my life - it seems so empty now. Another time my friend Julie, I & litttle Mysti, her daughter (who used to play with you), took you to the vets for a check on an excema spot you had. I will never forget, as we were going back home, Mysti racing along with you sitting in your cage (which had wheels), how the gentle, summer breeze blew her hair and your white fur and ears back & the evening sunshine bathed you both in a golden glow. I wish I had had my camera with me.. You have given me such beautiful memories. Thank you for being you & sharing you life with us. God Bless, my angel baby - you are forever in my heart. Till we meet in Heaven, Mum xxxxxxxxxxx

Added by Francesca MUM on 27/09/2016

Thank you for your very kind words, Mica. I did & do adore my beloved Loula - I hope she does know how very special she was.

Added by Francesca Mum on 21/09/2016

Dearest, darling Loula - it is near the end of September & I am missing you more than ever. I have found a diary tucked away, detailing yours & Lola's first year of life. I took you to a special vet, Richard & got many medications to put in your food that would make you grow up healthily - royal jelly, folic acid & vitamin E! And the things you got up to with Lola! I used to get up early to do the housework before going to work at the jobcentre & Darling, you would be everywhere! When I was trying to clean the fridge, as soon as I took the food out, you both jumped in to see what bits of food you could find, when I mopped the kitchen floor, you chased the mop & when you both managed to grab it, you had a tug of war with the mop head, while I stood stupidly holding the handle! It was the same when I tried to change the duvet in the bedroom - you would have a tug of war with the poor old duvet & then you both hid in the duvet cover. And that wasn't all - you had this toy that looked like a fishing rod & you would both charge around the flat pulling it after you. Ray told me, that when I was at work you would 'clean' the kitchen floor, by sliding up and down on the lino on one of my cleaning cloths! And then try and dig a hole in the lino, by the window You little rascals! You especially, Loula precious, liked jumping onto the worktops in the kitchen, drinking from the water taps in the sink & then the both of you would go paddling in the washing up bowl! If Ray & I dared to go out in the evening, when we got back you would both be waiting on each side of the door for us, & made us feel like 2 naughty children. I found photos too, of the little parties we used to have with my friend from work, Julie, & her daughter Mysti who must have been about 8 then - you both adored playing with her and got up to all sorts. You were such a beautiful kitten, Loula darling, with your thick, snow white fur, black & brown markings & tortoiseshell tail, & you both looked lovely together - you with your white fur and Lola, with her dark tortoiseshell coat! Your eyes were so so appealing and you had such a sweet little mew - you would mew for food a lot even then, and attention. You were a needy little soul and very shy, where as Lola was more inquisitive. But what really shone through was your sweet, gentle personality and your love of Life (and food) Those days were the happiest I had known & life just seemed to get better and better as you grew into young cats. They say that happiness is like a butterfly - it flits briefly close to you and then flies away. I guess we were lucky, because the butterfly stayed with us for some time, before it flitted away with you, when you went, my dearest. God bless my angel baby, love you forever till we meet in heaven. xxxxx

Added by Francesca Mum on 20/09/2016

How wonderful to read such loving messages to your lovely Loula, there must have been such a strong bond between you..Loula knew she was special and how much she was loved.. I'm sure she can hear your loving words..

Added by Mica on 17/09/2016

As usual, my darling Loula, I am thinking of you & remembering how I dreamt about you months before you were born - in the dream I was looking for Madonna - it was the day before she died.. In the dream, I was running through the streets looking for her and then I came to a house with a frosted glass door, & through the door I could see this shape of a cat with it's back to me. Very slowly the frosting on the door cleared and I saw a white cat, with a tortoiseshell tail sitting there. I burst into tears of disappointment as Madonna was a tortoiseshell cat, and then I woke up, crying. It was only after you had been with me for sometime that I remembered the dream & realised that the cat I saw through the glass door was you. I have often wondered what the dream could have meant. I am still going through your photo albums & things I could put in your Memory box, There are photos of you and Lola in your little harnesses - as we had no garden, Ray & I wanted to teach you about the outside, and maybe take you to the park, at the end of the road. I have 2 harnesses of yours - one smaller red one & then a bigger green one. as you had put on a bit of weight. Well, we all got down to the front steps, but the neither of you wanted to go any further.. Oh, you both looked so cute - you in the green harness and Lola in a pink one! You both sniffed at the greenery at either side of the house & then you both pulled on your harnesses to go in - you couldn't get back up the stairs to our flat quick enough. Ray & I tried taking you out in the summer months for several years, but neither of you wanted to go further than the front steps, so in the end we gave up - after all I so wanted you both to enjoy Life. I have all your little collars & discs with your name and this address on it. When you were about 5, you got Excema patches on your left shoulder so I removed the collar in case it was irritating your skin. I remember when I went back to work, you would both be snuggled in your little cat beds on the sideboard in the big, bay window - I would leave the flat & when I got onto street level, I would cross the road, look up at the window & then wave & blow you both kisses! If any of the neighbours had seen, they would have thought I was quite mad! I long for you all the time, dearest Lou.God Bless, Angel Baby. Till we meet in HeavenXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Added by Francesca Mum on 10/09/2016

Dearest, darling little poppet - I have been missing you more than ever, so I am writing a little love letter to you. I have been putting all your toys & photographs into a memory box for you - as I look at all your darling little photos, so many memories come flooding back, Photos of that first day when we collected you and Lola from Teresa's house, where you were born - you were so tiny, you fitted into a little box, although you both came in a carrier. When we left Teresa's house with you two in the carrier, she was standing at her front door, crying. And then when we arrived home, I kissed your little head for the first time and held your tiny paw in my hand and you curled your little claws around my finger.- and so I became hopelessly devoted to you my Angel. The next day, after you had explored your new home, you and Lola were running through the flat, chasing each other, play fighting and even having little boxing matches, standing on your tiny legs and using your little paws. And then you curled up together in your little box. And so our love was born - you had such a mischievous little face and such appealing eyes - they were blue then - they were to turn green. How you loved teasing me - often , when I was on the phone, you would sit beside me mewing, and try and push the phone away from my hand. You wanted my full attention, you cheeky darling. I wish those moments could have been frozen in time. And that was when our Life started. and as time went on it grew more and more happy and joyous. Oh darling I wish I could hold you and kiss you for one more time and feel your beautiful white fur and gaze into your knowing eyes, and then blink as you blinked back at me, showing that you understood. And now we miss you so - you are the first thing I think of in the morning and the last thing I think of at night. God Bless, my Angel Baby. Till we meet in Heaven. Francesca MUM XXXX

Added by Francesca MUM on 05/09/2016

My dearest, darling Loula - there is such an ache in my heart & a huge gap in my life now that I am without you. Did you know how very dearly I loved you and love you still, my Angel Baby? The days are long and hot now & I remember how you loved lying in the warm sun by the open window, with the warm breeze blowing in gently. If I close my eyes, I can almost feel your soft fur and hear your happy purr. Love you forever., my Special Babes and think of you all the time XXX MUM

Added by Francesca Mum on 27/08/2016

Babes, I miss and love you more and more each day. Thank you for the eleven happiest years of my life. Each day with you was like a precious gift from God. God Bless you and keep you safe. Till we meet again XXXX

Added by Francesca Mum on 10/08/2016

Dearest Love - you are forever in my heart - I yearn for you every day and think of you all the time XXX

Added by Francesca Dalton on 27/07/2016