Coping with the Grief and Loss of a Pet

Losing a pet can be hard. They are an important part of our families and daily lives.

Coping with the pain of grief can often feel overwhelming, and you may experience many difficult and confusing emotions – from shock and disbelief to guilt and even anger.

Even if these reactions feel unwanted, they're natural and show the unique, deep connection between people and their pets.

You've experienced the loss of a truly special, deeply cherished companion, and it's essential to allow yourself all the time you need to mourn and grieve. Try not to feel ashamed or embarrassed of what you are feeling.

It’s important to remember that grief often gets easier to live with over time. There are things you can do to help you come to terms with your loss. People experience grief in their own unique ways, and there's no right or wrong way, or timeline. Gradually, it will get easier, even if it feels like it takes a long time to accept your pet's passing.

Sadly, not everyone truly understands this kind of grief, and at times it can feel like a very lonely experience. All we can really say is that we understand. Even though this is a difficult period, we hope this guidance helps you find ways to cope with the loss of your companion.

Feelings and symptoms you might experience when grieving a pet

Many people refer to the 'five stages of grieving' when they try to cope with grief. These stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

However, people originally developed this model from the experiences of those who were terminally ill. Grief doesn't follow a set order. Any emotion you feel is valid, whether it fits the five stages or not.

Physical symptoms:

Sleeping more than normal or having difficulty sleeping
Feeling unusually tired
Finding it difficult to carry out day-to-day activities
Increased energy and the need to keep busy
Feeling sick and having an upset tummy
Aches and pains
Increased or decreased appetite

Emotional symptoms:

Sadness, feeling depressed, crying
Feeling numb and empty
Feeling guilty
Feeling lonely and isolated
Confusion about the loss of your pet
Feelings of anger towards yourself, others, or your pet you have lost
Anxiety
Struggling to concentrate and focus

When you’re grieving, you may feel as though you’re supposed to experience certain specific reactions. Grief is an individual and unique experience, and there is no ‘normal’ way to grieve.

Common experiences during grief

Anticipatory grief

Grief doesn’t always begin after a pet has died. If your pet has a terminal illness, is aging, or is struggling with their health, or you’re facing difficult decisions about their care, you may start grieving while they’re still alive and with you. This is known as anticipatory grief.

You might feel sadness, anxiety, guilt, or anger. These feelings can be confusing. They are a normal response to a very hard situation. They do not mean you love your pet any less.

If you are struggling to decide about your pet's quality of life or end-of-life care, talk to your vet team. They can explain your options and support you.

Guilt after euthanasia

If your pet was euthanised, it’s common to question whether you made the right decision. You might find yourself wondering if it was too soon, too late, or whether there was something else you could have done.

These thoughts are a normal part of grief for many people. Choosing euthanasia can be one of the kindest choices for a suffering pet or whose quality of life is poor, but that doesn’t make the decision any less painful.

It can take time to come to terms with this. Feeling guilty doesn’t mean you made the wrong decision for your pet.

Helping children understand the loss of a pet

Losing a pet can be hard for children, and they may experience any of the symptoms listed above. Often, it will be their first experience of death, and they may struggle to understand what’s happened to their friend.

Ways to help:

Have an open and honest conversation that is appropriate for their age and level of understanding. Younger children have little concept of death but will wonder where their pet is and will be aware that you are upset. Older children may ask lots of questions as they have some understanding of death.
Avoid euphemisms like ‘gone to sleep’, ‘put to sleep’, or ‘passed away’ with very young children. These phrases can confuse them.
Encourage your child to discuss their pet and their feelings. Writing stories or drawing pictures can help.
Don’t be afraid to share your own feelings, it may reassure your child that it’s okay to feel how they are feeling.
Make their teachers at school aware of what has happened so they can get extra support if needed.

Helping your other pets cope

Although research is limited, some pets can show behaviour changes after the loss of a closely bonded companion.

Signs your dog or cat is upset over a loss might include:

Eating less than normal
Seeming to be searching for the pet they’ve lost
Sudden changes in behaviour – they may seek more comfort and attention from you or may prefer to be alone
Developing separation anxiety
Howling or crying
Hiding away
Grooming too much, or not grooming at all
Toileting indoors
Generally not seeming ‘themselves’

These signs could be because they’re missing their friend, because they can sense you are upset, or they could be a sign that they’re poorly. Please talk to your vet if you notice any sudden changes in your pet’s behaviour.

Ways to help:

Try to keep your pet’s usual feeding, exercise, play, and sleeping routines in place
Interact with your pet as you normally would but give them some extra love and comfort if they want it
Some pets might benefit from a new experience – a new walk location or a new toy – to redirect their focus. But go at your pet’s pace, they may feel more comfortable in familiar surroundings
Similarly, some pets feel comforted by familiar scents on blankets and toys. Others may not seem interested or may appear unsettled. Observe how your pet responds.
Consider using a pheromone product

Ideas for honouring your pet

After your pet has passed away, you may want to hold a funeral or memorial for them. This could involve burying something like their collar, scattering their ashes, saying a prayer, or simply taking some time to remember them.

After you’ve allowed yourself space to mourn, you may begin to feel ready to honour your pet’s life and lean into the joyful moments you shared.

There are many ways you can remember your beloved companion. Some find comfort in arranging a shrine with photographs, some personal items, and a candle. You could plant something in their favourite spot in the garden.

Here at PDSA, you can donate in memory of your beloved pet. You can also create a tribute page in the National Collection of Pet Memories. This is a lovely way for everyone who loves your pet to write special messages and share memories.

Cats Protection have a Cat Memory Wall on their website. There, cat owners can share messages, photos, and memories of cats they have lost.

Blue Cross have a beautiful selection of pet keepsakes including plaques, keepsake bottles, and photo frames.

When to seek extra support

If your grief feels overwhelming, does not ease with time, or makes daily life hard, please speak to your GP.

Consider talking to your vet too. They may share more details about your pet's injury or illness. This can help ease the feeling of confusion and guilt.